Well, there is one cardinal exception to this rule ... when a Project gets in trouble, NIIT solves it by the simple expedient of hurling men at it until one sticks. At this point, when the Project Manager is on the lookout for more employees, a simple sign is hung up outside NIIT's offices: "Trespassers will be hired !"
It was on one of those days that the carefree Sanjay Mittal walked into NIIT, and was promptly pressed into service.
Sanjay soon won the hearts of all around him, with his smooth smile,
quick wit, and charming way with words. For example, one of his earliest
encounters with Amarjit and Hema had him explaining to them precisely
what an impolite soul Virender Aggarwal (VA) was, and how he was one of
the worst managers to have ever been born.
"Who the hell does this VA think he is ?!"
The ladies, alas for him, nursed a certain respect for VA at the time (hero worship is probably an appropriate term). Hema, regretting that her ladylike mannerisms would not permit her to scratch out his eyes, had to settle for using merely her tongue (a devastating weapon in its own right) and our hero narrowly escaped that room with his life. Small clouds of smoke puffed out of the room, as Hema cooled off.
Deciding that a tactical withdrawal was necessary at this stage, Sanjay made plans for decamping to Singapore. He prepared a short bio-data (a mere 12 pages in length, barely adequate to chronicle the nearly two years of his historic career) and faxed it across to the Singapore office. Being unsure of the transmission, Sanjay faxed it again. As he departed, a thought struck his mind (an infrequent occurrence) and for safety's sake, he faxed it over again.
Which is why, when I returned to Singapore office the next morning, eagerly awaiting a long (and important) fax from Delhi regarding our latest tender, I found the machine jammed by the arrival of 36 pages of Mittal history.
Mittal's fame had reached well into Singapore office by that time. However, the person had not been born who could not be marketed as a Software Consultant by that Master of Manipulation, the Sultan of Sales, Rajeev Razdan himself ! And Rajeev's eyes had fallen upon the bio-data of Sanjay Mittal (hardly an improbable occurence, since several copies of the fax were floating about the office at that point). A client of his desperately needed a DBA, and Sanjay Mittal was perfect for the post. After a swift and smooth sales-talk with the client, Rajeev had convinced him that Mittal was the best possible person for the job. At this point, however, a small doubt entered Rajeev's head: did Sanjay Mittal _actually_ possess any knowledge of DBA duties ?!
The task of ascertaining this fell into my hands. Poring through the thick tome that contained the bio-data of Sanjay Mittal, I scanned in vain for those three little letters, DBA. Searching through those 12 pages yielded no result; Mittal didn't seem to have any actual experience in that field. I decided to take a quick telephonic interview of the gentleman.
Upon calling him, Sanjay set my fears to rest.
"Oh, there is no problem ! I have had extensive DBA experience ! I can
do that job without any problem at all !"
"Uhh ... all right" I continued, "but could you put this on your
bio-data ? You know, so we have something to show to the client ?"
"Oh, it is already there !" he cheerily responded !
"Where ?" I asked in puzzlement. If it was there, then Sanjay had done
an unusually good job of hiding the evidence.
"No, no, take a look, go on !" smiled Sanjay, "you'll see it all there !"
Despite a swift scan, I still couldn't locate the section, so I asked
him to specify it.
"Look on page five," Sanjay sighed, "it's all there. Look at the second
project !"
"Where ?" I replied, perplexedly. Despite having reached page five, I
was still unable to locate the relevant data.
"Look there !" protested Sanjay. "I have loaded two tables using SQL
Loader ! See it now ?"
I sat in silence for a couple of minutes while I assimilated this new
concept. Upon recovering, I explained to Sanjay that loading a table
was probably the most minor element of a DBA's job, and the client would
need much more than that on the job.
"No problem, boss, I can do it !" Sanjay insisted. "How tough can it be ?!"
I was terribly afraid at that point that we were going to find out ...
Shortly afterwards, Mittal arrived in Singapore, and was placed along with Aseem Gupta in the Singapore YMCA. Aseem, never a patient soul at the best of times, found it a trifle difficult to get along with his new roommate.
After the initial introduction to his new client, Sanjay was returned
to his lodging to prepare for the next day. Sanjay arrived at work
promptly the next morning at 10 am. Unfortunately,
- he had arrived at NIIT's office, rather than the client's office
where he was expected
- the client expected him at 7 a.m., and he had arrived at 10 a.m.
- Sanjay was resplendently dressed in a purple T-shirt and jeans, a
stunning combination which would probably be grounds for arrest in
any fashion-conscious state, and which was anyway responsible for
inducing several dozen cases of blindness and shock in innocent
Singaporeans that day
After taking a couple of moments off to recover from the apparition, I ushered him into a room and explained to him precisely what he had done.
"It was difficult to get up this morning, Boss" he pleaded.
It had indeed been difficult. Not for Sanjay, but for his roommate, Aseem, as it turned out. Aseem had woken up Sanjay at 5:30, 6:00 and 6:30 that morning with little or no success. After two more tries which lasted upto 7:30, Aseem had attended to his own morning chores. At 8:30, when he was ready to depart, Aseem, in a fit of frustration, awoke Sanjay by the simple expedient of placing his foot upon the prominent Mittal posterior, and kicking hard. This disturbance seems to have done the trick, as the Mittal slowly emerged from the bedcovers and proceeded to report to work.
Some smoothing over was done with the client, and Mittal proceeded to work. (He managed to restrain his fashion sense after an explanation on the proper mode of dress, and the need to avoid hospitalizing sighted people).
It took two days before the client sent him back with a protest. Mittal's Group Leader at NIIT swiftly ascertained the problem: Mittal had no clue at all as to what the tasks of a DBA were.
A group of NIITians were hastily assembled and requested to cram
Mittal's vacant skull with all the necessary requirements of a DBA. A
note was written to his boss on all the duties of a DBA, which Mittal
was supposed to loyally carry out.
And his boss relented and welcomed Sanjay back.
At this point, NIIT maintained its employees (those without employment passes) in its guesthouse at Tampines (East-11 subway station). Sanjay had to report to Jurong (West-12 subway station) at dawn (7 a.m.) each day, where a bus would pick him up and convey him the rest of the way to the factory. If he failed to catch this bus, he had to take a cab (10 Singapore Dollars out of his own pocket, a grievous price for the thrifty Mittal to pay) to the factory, as there was no other means of transport. Given that the Subway ride took about an hour, Mittal had to arise at 5:00 or 5:30 (a terrible curse for a man who loved his sleep as much as Mittal) and depart to catch the 6:00 a.m. train. This gave him no time to cook or eat any food, so Sanjay went hungry for breakfast. Possibly if he arose earlier, he might have managed something, but rising earlier than 5:00 a.m. was a feat beyond Sanjay's capabilities.
Arriving at Jurong, he toiled on through the day, until the time came for lunch. He swiftly made the terrible discovery: Jurong was an industrial zone staffed mostly with Chinese workers. It was almost impossible to obtain vegetarian food over there (for Sanjay was indeed a fervent vegetarian) ! Despite all his trying, he was unable to find any food that was uncontaminated by meat. And so he continued working, his heart (and stomach) sinking within him as he laboured on.
At the end of the day (4 p.m.), Sanjay grabbed the fastest train he could and raced to reach NIIT's office: this, not out of any deep loyalty for the company, but rather because of the simple fact that behind the NIIT office was located a famous vegetarian restaurant, Velu's. Velu's had strong reason to fear bankruptcy in those days, as Sanjay Mittal tore viciously through their all-you-can-eat menu.
This soon became a daily phenomenon. Sanjay would work all day on an empty stomach, growing more and more famished by the minute. His fellow workers learned to avoid him after 1 p.m., due to the froth foaming on his lips. Sheer hunger did not make a pleasant companion. However, given the schedule he had to keep, he had no other recourse. He made a vain attempt to get permission to stay elsewhere in Singapore, perhaps somewhere closer to Jurong, so that he might not have this scheduling problem. But to no avail, for the sacred rules of NIIT Singapore decreed that he must stay in the Tampines guest-house (unless, of course, he would pay for his new abode). So Mittal wept on, and Pat smiled, at the success of NIIT's new Guest-house plan.
Eventually, the day dawned, when Sanjay's long-awaited Employment Pass arrived. He gloated over it: at last, he could move out of the Guest House if he so chose ! But now he faced a terrible choice. Two days before, Amarender had moved into the guest house. And Amarender cooked rice every night ! The agony of Sanjay's dilemma ripped through him like a sharp knife. He had to move to Jurong ... and yet ... how could he do this when there was fresh, delicious, white, gleaming rice ... Sanjay's eyes began to cross, and saliva trickled down the sides of his mouth. The torment was too great to bear. Eventually, he made the inevitable choice, and stayed. True, the ride to Jurong was long and terrible, but what was that compared to the temptation of a freely available regular supply of rice ?! A man had to have a sense of priorities, after all !
That's enough travel ... now let's head back home