ROTFLMAO 5

ROTFLMAO

5. Scott

Standing in the great hall of the spaceport, waiting for the transport ship Starship 21ZNA9 to open for boarding, He was finally feeling relaxed. Soon his precious manhood would be restored, and he would find a way to recover sweet Darcy as well. Then they could get the hell out of this bizarre sector of space/time. Right now wouldn't be too soon for He.

"Starship 21ZNA9 now boarding. Attention. Starship 21ZNA9 now boarding."

Ah, finally! Now things were starting to track. It wouldn't be long (well, it *would* be long -- He would be adamant about it) now before everything fell into place. He was so confident that he was actually humming a tune, "closer" by NIN, on his way into the belly of the mammoth craft. The thrumming of the XJ10 series Hyperdrive built by MZ Industries was discordant with his bit of huming, but he was too pleased with how things were going to care.

Liftoff was just spectacular, though it was a shame this older Starship class cruiser didn't have more windows -- He had trouble seeing the world Ken drop away like the unwanted pile of dirt that it was. He did manage to catch a fleeting glimpse of the pinkish planet Barbie, where his beloved Darcy would be found, before the ship kicked into hyperdrive.

He hadn't realized just how tedious space travel could be. It would be another two days before reaching Planet Prostheticus. The usual spaceline magazine was more ridiculous advertising than interesting reading. I mean, who could afford 10,000 dunaps for a Magna-subspace-phone? And the per minute access charges! Who would you find to talk to for crying out loud? Putting the ezine tablet back into its berth, he decided to take a nap to pass the time. He was falling into a dream... A dream of being with Darcy on a dew sparkling grassy gnoll. Yes, falling, falling...

He woke with a start! He *was* falling! He had forgotton to strap himself in and now was falling/floating in zero-g! Something was terribly wrong if the artificial gravity was on the blink. Before He could even begin to register the possibilities rationally, he noticed the general pandemonium around him. People were screaming and flailing in the null g. He grimaced, thinking "Oh, shit! Something very wrong indeed." He was scanning the cabin for an attendant when suddenly the ship was wracked by an explosion.

The lights went out, triggering the gloomy glow of the emergency system and the irritating sound of warning klaxons. He thought, finally, to look out a window to see what was happening.

Good Lord! The sight of the Pouncer class frigate sent a cold chill down his spine. This could only mean that the ship managed to wander into the protectorate zone of the Catmandians. Their war with the Doggerians, those Dogs of Doggeria, was causing great havoc in the interspatial shipping lanes. Now his hopes would be quashed because of these petty planets fighting like cats and dogs! Damned inconsiderate of 'em. Damned inconvenient.

The ship shuddered again, and He could hear muffled clanking. Wondering what was happening now, he started to push off the bulkhead towards the aft hatch. Before he could, however, the klaxons stopped -- everyone stopped -- as a trooper from the planet Catmandoo marched into the confusion of the cabin.

Clearing his throat in the still silence, the Catmandian Trooper looked around, fixing each entity in turn with a evaluative eye.

"Greetings. I am Lt. Bad Cat of the Pouncer class frigate HMS Noko Marie, enforcing the protectorate zone under aegis of planet Catmandoo," the feline officer announced. Then Lt. Bad Cat continued, "On behalf of Catmandoo and Queen Diana, I welcome you. Please follow the sergeant to the Noko Marie, where your indoctrination will begin. We know that you will be happy serving the Catmandian Empire."

As the lieutenant was speaking, a burly figure moved into view. This must be the sargeant they were to follow, thought He. Great. Just Great. How was he supposed to recover his manhood and Darcy now? Much less get back home. Worse, however, was his trepidation based on the rumors that all Catmandian slaves were given tail transplants. He shuddered. While He was whining to himself, the sargeant stepped forward.