Recently it's been pointed out to me that I can be fairly hostile to transgendered people I've just encountered, particularly in the context of the My Husband Betty message boards. I generally like to think of myself as a nice guy. I'd like to be thought of as a nice guy. When I imagine myself as a woman, I generally would like to be a sweet, nice woman. So I think at least some explanation of my hostility is in order.

I've been thinking about this recently, and I've realized that my hostility and distrust always comes up when someone I don't know starts talking in a way that makes me think of transgender dogma. That is, there's a certain way of talking about transgenderism, a certain set of assumptions, that's common in other parts of the transgender world. My hostility is usually not to the people themselves, but to the dogma. In the contest of the My Husband Betty message boards, I've helped to create an online community where that dogma does not hold power, and I'm afraid that if it's allowed to go unchallenged it could take over the boards.

Here are some of the aspects of transgender dogma that most bother me. I'm a male-to-female transvestite, and most of my concern is with the male-to-female side of the transgender world, so that's what I'm focusing on:

• Essentialism: the idea that all male-to-female transgendered people have something inherently feminine inside them that differentiates them from other males.
• Innatism: the idea that this essential femininity is present at birth and unchangeable, whether it's from genetic differences, or the "hormonal bath" or something else. I've always distrusted innatism in all its forms.
• The transgender bait-and-switch: when people want to recruit or pump up the numbers, transgenderism is defined in psychological terms: feeling like a woman inside, feeling different from other guys, wanting to be a woman. But when the same people want to police behavior, all of a sudden transgenderism is defined in terms of actions: a "true" transgendered person will take any opportunity to become more like a woman that presents itself.
• The transgender hierarchy: often, transsexuals are seen as "more truly feminine," "more serious," "more deserving of respect," "more interesting." Transsexuals are seen as "women," while cross-dressers are considered to be "men in dresses." Generally, the more body modifications and the further towards transition and the more time spent presenting as a woman, the higher in the hierarchy. So transitioned, full-time transsexuals with sexual reassignment surgery, hormone therapy and maybe facial feminization surgery who are attracted to men are viewed more positively, while someone who hasn't had any body modifications, never presents as a woman and only wears a few items of women's clothing while masturbating is at the bottom of the heap, and often not considered to be transgendered at all, no matter what he may think of himself.
• The dismissal of sexuality: for some of us, our transgender feelings are closely linked to our sexuality. We often get aroused when cross-dressed, or when presenting in public; some of us masturbate, some of us have sexual contact with other people when we cross-dress. This is often dismissed as the mark of someone who's not a "true" transgendered person, or as an immature behavior that "true" transgendered people eventually outgrow.
• Generalizations: As I've stated in my Principle 1, nobody really knows what's going on with transgendered people. Certainly, the scientific studies that have been done are not based on representative samples, and are thus not generalizable to transgendered people as a whole, or to any subset. That doesn't stop people from generalizing, though, based on their own experience, some stories that they've been told, or just their own imagination.
• Coercive language: There's a lot in the transgender dogma that tries to shoehorn people into categories and make unfounded generalizations about them. There are other aspects that demand specific action to be included in one of the higher-status categories. The transgender hierarchy is an example of this, and so is the transgender bait-and-switch. Other examples are statements that imply that steps towards transition automatically equal progress.
• Frame-drag: Diane Frank uses this term to describe the situation when people with more resources (including time, energy and motivation) get to dominate a category, becoming the most salient members and eventually the prototype, focusing the agenda on their issues and marginalizing other members and their stories.

Why does this bother me so much? Well, a number of reasons. Some of these affect me directly and personally. Some affect me indirectly. Others affect people that I identify with or care about.

For me personally and directly, I've made my decision not to transition, and how I want to live my life as a transgendered person. I don't appreciate people trying to recruit me into being a transsexual, or to demand actions from me to prove how transgendered I am, or to exclude me from various categories because they don't think I'm a "true" transgendered person.

For me indirectly, I don't appreciate being marginalized from the category of transgendered, feeling like my story doesn't matter, or that nobody gets to hear about people like me. I don't like the idea that many gay and lesbian organizations have broadened their services to include transgendered people, but some transgendered people are working to exclude me from the category so that I can't get any services. I don't like it when I read a newspaper article that theoretically focuses on transgendered people but only mentions transsexuals.

I'm concerned about others, specifically because I remember how unhappy I was as a teenage transvestite, and one of my goals in life is to make the world a better place for young people who are in the same situation I was in. I don't think a high-school gender transition or a genderqueer lifestyle would have been right for me, and when I read about people making those easier for kids, I worry that nobody's making anything else available for those who don't want either option. I would have loved to have read a book about people like me, but all there are are books and movies about young transsexuals. When I was a teenager, I knew I wasn't normal so I had to be an unlovable freak. Improving the options to normal, transsexual or unlovable freak doesn't do much for those who are like me.

I've talked about transsexuals a lot in this piece. I know a lot of nice transsexuals, and I know that most transsexuals are nice people and aren't out to get me. But I have come into contact with several unpleasant people who seem to believe that in order to support themselves they have to vilify transvestites like me. And I've seen a lot of nice people (transsexuals. cross-dressers and "straight" gay men, lesbians and heterosexuals) uncritically repeating their dogma. This dogma hurts me and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

So please, do your best to avoid transgender dogma. Be critical. Be proud of your beliefs, but separate them from established facts. Avoid unfounded generalizations. Be consistent in defining your categories by either feelings or actions. Avoid getting into hierarchies. Try not to be coercive. Affirm sexual diversity.