A Nite in th' Unlife on JoN dOe...
Pain, Jon feels pain in his back. He raises up, stretching. The bones in his
back snap, crackle and pop. He lets out a deafening yawn. He feels
wet.
Opening his eyes reveals that he fell asleep in a bath tub, in a steamy
bathroom, and left the water running. The entire bathroom is flooded and
so is the living room. He turns the knob and it comes off. The shower
starts, splashing cold water in his face. He turns another knob, it comes
off too, and the water becomes hot.
He slips in the tub, his head
hitting the tub. Blood mixes with the water. Jon gets up and punches a
hole through the shower wall. A giant splash of water knocks him back
into the water and produces a big splash of pale-red water.
Jon gets up and looks at the shower.
"Why you little..." he screams.
He sticks his hands in the whole and twists the pipes so that a back-up is
caused. He steps out of the bath grumbling to himself. Where is he? He looks
around the bathroom, broken glass, shampoo and dental paste smeared on
the walls. Toilet smashed to pieces with a young women's face. Blood
everywhere. Did he do this? If so, he liked his style and almost
giggles.
Suddenly, the shower wall bursts open with an enormous amount of water
coming out. Damn, pipes didn't hold. He looks under the sink, aha!
Another knob! He twists it gently, it holds, the water stops. He steps
into the hallway.
Oops, he's naked, a trip back to the bathroom. He takes a robe, oooh, it
Has nice flowers on it, made of satin probably, as he puts it on, it
clings to his wet skin, uncomfortable, but he keeps it. Nice flowers.
Back to the hallway.
How nice, a little boy's face has been
pushed into the wall,
very messy. Did he feed or just kill? The rug in the hallway is ripped and
burned. It squishes beneath his toes like a sponge due to the flood.
Decisions, decisions. The hallway goes right and left. He looks both
ways, the left way reveals a busted in door. The right however is total
chaos, blood on the walls, knives stuck everywhere, holes in the floor.
He goes right. Aha!
The father of this dysfunctional family, at least his feet, usually he
enjoys this, trying to find all the parts like a big puzzle, but he
hasn't the time now. He has a meeting later. He wanders around, finds a
finger. "Oh good" he thinks, "I've got a finger, that's usually hard to
find, if I can only find the others I...nah, got to hurry."
He
finds his
clothes in a corner. He puts his cowboy boots on, then his Jeans, stupid
him! He takes off the Jeans, then the robe, then he puts his Jeans back
on, damn. He takes the boots off, then he puts his Jeans on, and THEN his
boots. Then his itchy and scratchy T-shirt, then his trench coat and of
course...his trademark 3-D glasses. He looks in the rooms. In the big one
he sees a sight he loves. A pregnant woman lying on the bed. Stomach
ripped-up and guts half eaten and half thrown around the room.
So
he DID feed. What a splendid sight it is too see death
in 3-D. He revels in his art. Licking his lips, he leaves. It's raining
outside, even better, now he can sing!!! He walks a while, thinking of
something to sing, "Singing in the Rain"? It's been done. Inspiration
fills him and he remembers what a fellow Malk taught him.
"...Patty-cake, patty-cake Nos-fera-tu.
Make me as ugly, as ugly as you.
Crawl down in the sewers and hide from the light,
Sleep the whole day through and mope all through the night!"
He jumps on the roof of a car, and starts again. Louder this time.
"Patty-cake, patty-cake Tor-reador Man.
Push your nose up as high as you can.
Pretend you don't remember, pretend you cannot see,
Pretend you are so normal, that you're not like me!"
"Hey wacko..." says a loud booming voice from out of the shadows.
Jon turns around, startled. Could it be? A Camarilla? Oooh, good.
"Yeah, you..." the voice says again. A bald, stocky man steps up to him,
tattooed on the arms and back of the head.
"Oh, fabulous day! An Ass-Mite! You guy's taste GOoo-ooOD!" boasts Jon
"You're out of your mind Joker!" replied the Kindred
"Glorious so! Isn't it wonderful!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" Jon jumps down to face the
offending vampire. They look into each others eyes. The Assamite blinks
first. No wonder, Jon never loses staredowns.
"Go ahead, punk. Make, my, day." says Jon.
The Assamite is quick, lightning fast to be exact. His dagger almost has
time to come out of its holster before Jon's hand is on the Assamite's
wrist. And his other hand's on the vampire's throat. Jon lifts him up above
his head.
"See ya later alligator!" taunts Jon.
His free hand grows in size, his fingers become long and thin, and as sharp
as razors. He slashes the Assamite across the face, then in the belly,
spilling guts onto the street. He swipes again and takes off the
Kindred's left arm. He screams. Jon growls and then throws the ambitious
vampire clear across the street into an ever convenient alley. The
wounded kindred slumps into a corner, foolishly hoping to go unnoticed.
Jon appears out of nowhere in front of the startled Assamite. He lays a
hand on the vampire's chest.
The Assamite jerks, writhes, and keels over screaming in pain.
"It will only get worse with time...tell me where is your Prince." Jon says
in a gentle voice.
The vampire shakes and screams.
"Tell me who is in the Primogen, tell me where are the Anarchs, tell me all
you know."
Jon whispers softly. And the Camarilla kindred starts sweating and crying
"TELL ME!" Jon wells. A few minutes later Jon has all the information he
wanted written on his hand, arm and shoulder. He picks up the sobbing
vampire of the wet and dirty cement of the alley floor, and again raises
him above his head.
"WELCOME TO THE FOOD CHAIN!!!" Says Jon as he sinks his teeth in the
Assamite's neck, and drains him of all vitae. He shudders and trembles at
the excitement the blood rush gives him. He drops the vampire into the
sewers, adjust his glasses and
walks away into the rain.
"I'm singing in the rain,
Just singing in the Rain,
Oh! What a glorious feeling,
I'm happy again,
La, la, la la la,
La, la la la LA,
Oh! What a glorious feeling,
I'm happy again..."
You can find out more about JoN at Erehwon's Malk page
or
you can write JoN at jondoe@atlas.odyssee.net.