Red Nose Day in Camulodunum
12 March 1999: Red Nose Day in
Camulodunum
Doing as the Romans once did?
12 March 1999: Red
Nose Day in Camulodunum
Today
Danny and I took a road trip, British style. This means that we consumed crisps
and chocolate in the car, got stuck in traffic en route to Colchester. Almost
every car trip of any consequence in Britain seems to involve traffic. In a car
jam, as it were.
I am a big fan of
Ancient Rome. Yes, they had slavery, colonialism, warfare, and capital
punishment, but they also had steam baths, loose-fitting clothing, orgies, slave
boys, urban planning, and early versions of the Body Shop. It wasn't all forced
public work projects and paying tributes to Caesar, you know. They lived in the
realm of the senses. They also had lead in their vessels and slowly poisoned
themselves.
Anyway, I wanted to go to
Colchester because it was the one of the first Roman cities in Britain. The
Emperor Claudius, in a political move to solidify his position, even visited the
isle for 11 days in the year 43 to conquer it and go home to the biggest ratings
ever, eclipsed only by the PBS series I,
Claudius.
Last
year I visited St. Albans, which was once the Roman city Vermulamium, and Bath.
In the museum in Bath, my penpal A and I listened to the recorded tour. We had a
big laugh when the woman's voice said, as we looked at the mannequin, "Follow
this Roman soldier into the steam
room."
If only! I was 1950 years too
late! There never seems to be a Roman soldier around when you need
one.
We also had a big laugh at the bust
of a Roman woman with big hair, and the tour guide's note that it took two slave
girls, 150 bobby pins, and a whold day to assemble the big hairdo she sported. I
suspect we both know people who have found a simpler way. It's called a
wig!
The
Norman castle in Colchester is built atop the foundation of the Temple of the
Divine Claudius. There's a great museum that has tons of artifacts from the
Roman and Norman eras. For an additional pound you can get a tour of the Roman
vaults that serve as the foundation to the
castle.
There were swarms of children in
the castle today. At once point in the tour, as we listened to our extremely
knowledgeable voluntary tour guide, a shout was heard, "Be quiet! There are
adults in here!" Finally. Adults that teach children some manners. I do love
children, but only up to seven at a time. After that I get headache and question
reality.
There are small passages between
the vaults and at that moment, about 30 children with red balls on their noses
came pouring out of the other room. Apparently the UK version of Comic Relief is
Red Nose Day. It culminates in a telethon on the BBC. I am still wondering why
there are red noses
involved.
Camulodunum, by the way, is the
Roman name for Colchester. I am completely fascinated by all the history in this
country.
After our tour of the castle it
was time for a late lunch. Despite worries about ever regaining my girlish
figure, I had haddock and chips and for a starter, Danny and I shared whitebait.
Whole small fish, batter fried. Delightful, served with lettuce and lemon. Danny
does have a good waistline, yet he eats as much crap as I do, and confesses to
never eating fruits or vegetables. How can anyone so liberal have never eaten
fruits or vegetables? Danny is a constant
surprise.
Around London, Danny took a
wrong turn and we wound up all over London. The East End, The City, Canary
Wharf, Swiss Cottage, and god knows where else. It wasn't bad because at least
it's a good way to see London and get a chance to talk. One of the reasons I
wanted to come now was to see Danny and Susie before they move to Swinging
Saskatoon next month.
Danny pointed out
the Millenium Dome. It looks like a gigantic version of the Elmhurst gas tanks
alongside the Long Island Expressway. It costs 80 million pounds, as is
scheduled to fall apart and be dismantled in two decades. A gigantic rotten egg
that no one wants but the government went ahead with
anyway.
This proves that America is not
the only place really and truly stupid things
happen.
Later, we watched
The X Files
and flipped around the channels. I saw my heroines, Dawn French and Jennifer
Saunders presenting telethon results for Red Nose Day. At some point a very
surprised Dawn French was kissed by one of her female
Vicar of
Dibley
co-stars.
Such a full day, and more
tomorrow.
Posted: Fri - March 12, 1999 at 02:03 AM