Today Danny and I took a road trip, British style. This means that we consumed crisps and chocolate in the car, got stuck in traffic en route to Colchester. Almost every car trip of any consequence in Britain seems to involve traffic. In a car jam, as it were.
I am a big fan of Ancient Rome. Yes, they had slavery, colonialism, warfare, and capital punishment, but they also had steam baths, loose-fitting clothing, orgies, slave boys, urban planning, and early versions of the Body Shop. It wasn't all forced public work projects and paying tributes to Caesar, you know. They lived in the realm of the senses. They also had lead in their vessels and slowly poisoned themselves.
Anyway, I wanted to go to Colchester because it was the one of the first Roman cities in Britain. The Emperor Claudius, in a political move to solidify his position, even visited the isle for 11 days in the year 43 to conquer it and go home to the biggest ratings ever, eclipsed only by the PBS series I, Claudius.
Last year I visited St. Albans, which was once the Roman city Vermulamium, and Bath. In the museum in Bath, my penpal A and I listened to the recorded tour. We had a big laugh when the woman's voice said, as we looked at the mannequin, "Follow this Roman soldier into the steam room."
If only! I was 1950 years too late! There never seems to be a Roman soldier around when you need one.
We also had a big laugh at the bust of a Roman woman with big hair, and the tour guide's note that it took two slave girls, 150 bobby pins, and a whold day to assemble the big hairdo she sported. I suspect we both know people who have found a simpler way. It's called a wig!
The Norman castle in Colchester is built atop the foundation of the Temple of the Divine Claudius. There's a great museum that has tons of artifacts from the Roman and Norman eras. For an additional pound you can get a tour of the Roman vaults that serve as the foundation to the castle.
There were swarms of children in the castle today. At once point in the tour, as we listened to our extremely knowledgeable voluntary tour guide, a shout was heard, "Be quiet! There are adults in here!" Finally. Adults that teach children some manners. I do love children, but only up to seven at a time. After that I get headache and question reality.
There are small passages between the vaults and at that moment, about 30 children with red balls on their noses came pouring out of the other room. Apparently the UK version of Comic Relief is Red Nose Day. It culminates in a telethon on the BBC. I am still wondering why there are red noses involved.
Camulodunum, by the way, is the Roman name for Colchester. I am completely fascinated by all the history in this country.
After our tour of the castle it was time for a late lunch. Despite worries about ever regaining my girlish figure, I had haddock and chips and for a starter, Danny and I shared whitebait. Whole small fish, batter fried. Delightful, served with lettuce and lemon. Danny does have a good waistline, yet he eats as much crap as I do, and confesses to never eating fruits or vegetables. How can anyone so liberal have never eaten fruits or vegetables? Danny is a constant surprise.
Around London, Danny took a wrong turn and we wound up all over London. The East End, The City, Canary Wharf, Swiss Cottage, and god knows where else. It wasn't bad because at least it's a good way to see London and get a chance to talk. One of the reasons I wanted to come now was to see Danny and Susie before they move to Swinging Saskatoon next month.
Danny pointed out the Millenium Dome. It looks like a gigantic version of the Elmhurst gas tanks alongside the Long Island Expressway. It costs 80 million pounds, as is scheduled to fall apart and be dismantled in two decades. A gigantic rotten egg that no one wants but the government went ahead with anyway.
This proves that America is not the only place really and truly stupid things happen.
Later, we watched The X Files and flipped around the channels. I saw my heroines, Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders presenting telethon results for Red Nose Day. At some point a very surprised Dawn French was kissed by one of her female Vicar of Dibley co-stars.
Such a full day, and more tomorrow.
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