[As transcribed by bdillard@h10.snider.net (Bill Dillard)]

TEXT OF ARTICLE AS APPEARS IN PLAYGIRL MAGAZINE, NOVEMBER, 1995


INTERVIEW BY AMY DREW TEITLER

** THIS BUD'S FOR YOU!**
	As MARRIED, WITH CHILDREN his its prime, so does its youngest,
brightest star.

Married...With Children's David Faustino will swear that he's nothing
like the character he portrays: the always sarcastic, sometimes
pathetic, perpetually hormone-crazed Bud Bundy.  In some ways, he's
not.  But just when you thinkyou've met the laid-back 21-year-old
behind the cocky facade, he tells you what a great kisser he is, that
he's got a really sexy stomach-and that he uses extra-large condoms.

Truth be told, David's pretty charming, even when he is being cocky.
He's friendly.  He laughs a lot, and his laugh is contagious.  There's
barely a topic he won't touch on-which is rare for any actor who's
appeared in as many outrageous tabloid tales as he has.  But the
strongest vibe-it comes off him in waves-is contentment.  Clearly,
he's very happy with where he is right now.  *Who wouldn't be?*

After his last birthday, David became an illustrious member of adult
society.  He can drive, voteand, at long last, drink legally.
MARRIED...WITH CHILDREN, having recently celebrated its 200th episode
(with much fanfare from FOX), has been picked up for its 10th season.
Single and loving it, he enjoys the perks of his fame, not the least
of which include nubile women, world travel, a BMW and his very own LA
pad.  When he feels stressed out, he does yoga.

Bud might take yoga classes-if the instructor were hot.

<Congratulations!  I've been reading all this stuff on you guys.  Two
hundred episodes!  Did you ever think it would stay popular for so
long?
* I was 12 years old when we started the show and didn't even
understand the jokes at the time!  I didn't get any of the comedy.
<So you had that deadpan delivery because you didn't get it?
*(laughs) Well, you know, I got SOME of my jokes, but I didn't
understand the whole sexual thing until I started getting demented.
As time went on, I started getting them.
<Has the show ever been censored by the network?
*There's still a lost episode.  The premise was-this was when Steve
(David Garrison) was still on the show, by the way.  He an Marcy
(Amanda Berse) go to this motel womewhere and have wild sex.  So Marcy
tells Peggy (Katey Sagal) about it and says, "You should get Al (Ed
O'neill) to take you there.  It's a nice sexy motel."  So [Peg and Al]
end up going and then they realize that they were being [video] taped,
and that Marcy and Steve were taped, also.  There was a hidden camera
in their room.  So they end up suing, and Steve acts as his own lawyer
and the jury is totally into it because Marcy and Steve's sex is
TOTALLY UNREAL.  Totally twisted!  And Peggy and Al, they're suing for
like, a JILLION dollars (laughs)-I think that's ACTUALLY what they're
suingfor on the show.  But the jury can't prove that they actually HAD
sex, because it was so quick.  They're like, "And right...HERE is when
we had sex!"  It's pretty funny.  But is was so sexual that they never
aired it in the US.  They probably will someday.
<Is it hairy doing stuff like that in front of a live audience?  I
realize you can do retakes, but...
*I don't like to screw up, though.  I like to do it like a play, to
get all the way through it and keep the energy going.  I don't think I
could DO the showif it weren't in front of a live audience.
<Really?
*Because I'll go through weeks where it seems like something will
never work, and I'll be like, MAN, THIS SUCKS.  And then, for some
reason, the audience brings you a whole new energy, and you'll try
something that you never, ever even THOUGHT of before.  You just know
in your heart what's right.  And then it works and the audience goes
wild-and that's it.  That's the best.  That's what it's all about,
really.
<It seems like Bud's having a lot more sex lately.
*It's weird.  It's like one week he's a virgin, another, he's not.
<Did you ever feel sorry for him, like WHEN'S THIS GUY GONNA GET SOME?
*Oh yeah, but then he always-I shouldn't say he ALWAYS-ends up the
winner.  Al always ends up the loser, but sometimes at least, Bud ends
up the winner.
<There's a MARRIED fan club, so you MUST have groupies...
*Oh yeah.  There are groupies.
<So you probably get some weird fan mail.
*Well, actually the weirdest thing I ever got was (laughs)-I got a
letter from this monk in this monastery, one time, who-you know the
show DOUBLE DARE?
<Yeah, the kids' game show on NICKELODEON.
*Yeah!  Well, I did that a long time ago, when I was younger, and this
monk wrote me a letter.  I was thinking, WOW! A MONK'S WRITING ME A
LETTER!  I WONDER WHY?  And then I got into the letter and he wanted
to know what it felt like to slide through the gushy stuff on DOUBLE
DARE (laughs)
<I'll leave that one alone.  Ever get any kinky gifts?
*All the fan mail goes to one place, so I'm wondering if the fan mail
lady censors my things and doesn't tell me.  She might keep them for
herself.  I do get a lot of boxers.
<That answers the boxer/brief question I was going to ask.
*(laughs) I'm definately a boxer kind of guy.  And I LOVE it when
people send me boxers, 'cause you can ALWAYS use a new pair!  I guess
a lot of people know that I'm part Irish, so they send me boxer with
little clovers on them.
<Have you ever been picked on because Bud is so lame when comes to
meeting girls?
*Yeah.  Especially being in my age range.  Actors who are older
probably don't have to deal with it as much.  But I'd meet kids out
there who were just pricks.  For a while it bothered me.  Plus, I'm
TOTALLY OPPOSITE of how I am on the show...
<So you're saying that you're getting laid all over the place?
*Well, I (laughing)- OH, MAN.  Not neccessarily that, no.  It's more
like people expect me to be this quick-witted, joke-telling guy.  I'm
more of a totally mellow, laid-back, shy kind of kid.  And I'm
SUPER-DUPER-DUPER sensitive.
<Awww...
*(laughs) Yeah, I'm a Pisces.  So for a while, I was like, I DON'T
LIKE PEOPLE CALLING ME BUD.  It's just something you can either allow
to destroy you-you can get totally fucked up by it-or you can learn to
live with it and embrace it and enjoy it.
<Do you and Bud have anything in common?
*Um, I HOPE not. (laughs) I don't think we do have anything in common,
actually.  Well, we both like girls-but we go about it different ways.
<I should hope so.  Are you into the same type of girl?
*You know, I don't really know WHAT type of girl I'm into.  I like a
spiritual girl who's into-SPIRITUALITY. (laughs) I definitely love a
girl who can cook, has a good appetitie and a sense of humor.  I also
love quiet girls.  Love 'em, love 'em, love 'em.  I don't like
jibber-jabber girls who talk all day long.
<Are you in a relationship right now?
*I kind of just got out of one, actually.  It lasted like six months.
<I'd imagine that for a young actor it would be hard to meet someone
who's genuine.
*Yeah, it's hard.  I've got a guarded heart, so I'm real protective of
myself.
<Were you hurt badly before?
*No, I wasn't.  I've never been dumped on my face and really HURT, so
I don't know where it comes from.  But I definitely have it in me.
It's hard for me to let go and really tell someone how I feel about
them.  But it eventually happens.
<So if you meet someone at a bar or club, can you tell which girls are
interested in you for YOU-and which are only talking to you because of
who you are?
*Oh, yeah, absolutely.  But then, ANY guy can get fooled.  I'm sure I
could be fooled into thinking that someone like me for a different
reason, but I'm a pretty good judge of people.  And if I even FELT
that vibe, I would get out of there.



<Have you suffered any embarrassments at the hands of your co-workers?
*Yeah, and this is REALLY funny!  I was around 18 at the time.  We
have these overhead booms, the microphones that we use, and they're so
sensitive that you always gotta watch out what you're saying because
there's somebody somewhere listening to you.
We werre doing a scene in this movie theatre, and there was this
really pretty girl there in the theatre audience, and we were on a
break.  So I'm standing there, talking to her for a few minutes, and
it was going good until I said, "Well, we're gonna go out after the
show tonight and go get some drinks..." So, I'm inviting her out and
stuff, She said something like, "Well, my boyfriend's gonna be here
tonight."
The assistant director was in the booth, and he heard the whole thing.
So his voice comes over the PA, and all I hear is "STEEE-RIKE ONE!"  I
was a MESS.  I don't think that [the girl] even connected the two, but
I knew.  It was pretty embarrassing, but really funny.
<Do you think about sex as much as Bud does?
* I think about girls.  If there's a girl I'm into-say in my karate
class-that person will pop into my head a lot, yeah.  I think that
it's so good to have challenges.  When you meet a fine girl, and you
don't know her, you're like, I GOTTA TALK.  I GOTTA PUT SOME WORK INTO
THIS AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.  And the feeling you get when it DOES work
out, it's like you achieved something and feel good about yourself.  I
think a lot of people who are celebrity heartthrobs miss out on all
that because it's like cake!  IT'S A GIVEN!  They don't even have to
TALK really.  I think that's why there are no more challenges for a
lot of them.  I mean, there was a point when I realized, WOW, I GOT
THE POWER!  And I went wild for a little bit.  But it gets boring and
it doesn't prove anything to anybody except yourself-if you're
insecure and you have to sleep with a million girls to feel good.
<Was it insecurity for you, or just hormones?
*A combination of both.  Then you realize that the man in a situation
like that can find the right lady and be monogamous with her and love
her.  THAT takes a man.  That's something that a lot of people have to
work on.
<Are you ready for that long-term thing?
*I'm not ready for it, no.  That's why a lot of my relationships
haven't worked out, 'cause I'm not really ready.  It's weird.  Like I
said, I'm very shy.  So I'll be with a girl and I'll end up hanging
out with her for a couple of weeks and I'll feel her pulling away.  So
I'm thinking, SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME ANYMORE.  When it's really that
they're not sure that I like THEM and then they want to know what's
going on and then they start questioning me and I'm like, "I don't
know if I'm ready for this yet."
<Give me five words that you think of when I say the word "sex."
*Um. Well, I have to be honest.  Cuddling.  I love cuddling.  The
munchies...
<Post-sex munchies?
*Mmm-hmm.  Yeah.  You're putting me on the spot, now!  We've got
munchies, we've got cuddling...this is a hard one.  FEET!
<Feet?  You've got a Foot Fetish?!
*Yeah, I love feet.  Hmmm-I'm trying not to pick the obvious ones, but
all of those are true so far.  We gotta get five, though.  I'll feel
lame if I don't. Ohhhh-CLOSET!
<You've done it in a closet?
*That's where I lost my virginity.  I was 14.
<Really?  Why were you in the closet?
*Who knew?  I was 14, I didn't care.
<That's young.  You must have really enjoyed all 13 seconds of it.
*(laughs) I think it was more like nine!
<Lying down or standing up?
*We were lying down.
(Together) Big Closet! (laughs)
*It was a VERY big closet.  Uh, I guess I also have to say good music.
That's five.
<What kind of music do you listen to when you're with someone?
*It varies.  You know what?  It's so weird, because I could get into
ANY kind of music.  I can have good sex to hip-hop, or I could just do
it to some kind of love music.  You know what's really good,
seriously?
<What?
*Old-school jazz to a hip-hop beat.  Like, smoothed-out jazz.
<Something that's been remixed-
*YEEEAAHH!  That's the best, that's the best!
<So you like it slow, I take it?
*Uh, well, it depends on how I feel about the girl.


<Would you say being famous enhances or inhibits your sex life?
*I don't really know, because when I reached my sexual age, I was
famous.  I don't know what it would be like if I weren't.  Sometimes I
think, maybe I would have MORE confidence, sometimes I think I'd have
less.  It depends on the situation.
<Does having celebrity make you less confident?
*I think it breaks your confidence down, because a lot of actors are
insecure.  People are looking at you all the time.  But a lot of them
overcome it.
<Did you grow up with any hang-ups about masturbation since Bud was
the butt of so many jokes?
*Let me tell you something: I grew up with no hang-ups about
masturbating AT ALL.
<You were pretty busy, huh?
* I was BUSY.  (laughs) But you know what?  I think that's the best
thing you can possibly do for your sex life.  You don't realize it
when you're younger, but it all comes into play as you get older.  I
was a masturbating FREAK.
<Still are?
*Well, it depends on who I'm...I don't know.
<Whether or not you have a girlfriend?
*I don't think it matters.  I don't think with ANY guy it matters.  At
least none of my friends.  I think ALL my friends are jerking off.
(laughs)
<Would you like to do a sex scene with any Hollywood actress in
particular?
*Um, wow, that's a rough question.  There's a lot.  I think Luara Dern
is really sexy, but only Laura Dern in RAMBLING ROSE.  I would've
liked to have been the little boy in RAMBLING ROSE.
<Perv!  That's pretty creepy, David.  Did you ever get aroused in a
scene where you had to get physical with somebody?
*Um, well you know, the most I've ever really done is a kissing scene,
but I'm such a DAMN GOOD KISSER...(laughs)
<Oh, so it's the WOMEN who get aroused, not you?
*No, it's cool, though.  I actually like doing them because it's fun,
you know?  I've ended up going out with a couple of girls who I had to
kiss on the show.  You get close.
<You feel the chemistry.
*Yeah, it works
<So, you're a good kisser?
*(Raspy, sexy voice) I'm a HELL of a kisser.
<What makes you such a good kisser?
*I don't know.  I don't really have a technique.  I can't really
explain it.  I just do it and I get into it.  I am a really good
kisser, though.  I MUST say. (laughs)  I've had people tell me, so it
boosts your ego up.  "Oh, you're a good kisser."  But I kiss ALL the
girls like that.  (laughs more)
<Hey, I gotta ask you this one:  Ever consider posing nude?
*Wow! No.  No naked posing for me.
<How come?
*'Cause I don't want to stand there with my dick in my hand.  (laughs)
Not that I don't have the body for it.  I'm actually looking pretty
good lately, actually.
<Are you?
*Yeah.  I watch what I eat a lot.  I mean, I don't really care if I
have a six-pack-and I don't.  I have like one of those, kind of..
<A two-pack.
*(laughs) Yeah.  My stomach is probably my favorite part of my body.
<What's your favorite part of a WOMAN'S	body?
*That's easy.  The pelvic bone.  (laughs) I like those.  I like it
when they stick out.  Love that.  It's my favorite part of the body.
<How come?  What's the fixation?
*I don't know.  But I like ALL kinds of girls.  They don't have to be
skinny.  Different girls look good different ways.  Like, I love a lot
of thick girls.  They look good.  And I've been out with some really,
really skinny girls and I love that 'cause those bones stick out.
<I was gonna ask you if you had a physical type, like blonde or
brunette or whatever.
*I prefer brunettes, but I seem to end up with blondes a lot.  I love
brunettes, though.  For some reason, I think they're sexier.
<What kind of condoms do you use?
*Magnum-EXTRA LARGE. (laughs)
<Funny, I always seem to get the same answer.
*(Laughs) Ribbed, for HER pleasure.
<I guess that shows you're concerned.  Would you call yourself a
romantic?
*I don't picture myself as romantic, but yet-when I've really tried to
impress a girl and take her out, they've always told me, "Wow, you're
so romantic.  I never would've guessed."
<What's the most romantic thing you've ever done for a someone?
* Well, I love hotels, I must say.  Even in LA.  So to go somewhere
like the Beverly Wilshire is really nice.
<Hey, let me ask you about some of these tabloid clips that I found on
you.
*Oh-oh, she did her homework. (laughs)
<They're a scream!
*There's so many farfetched ones.  Like, they said I worked at
Mcdonald's.
<Yeah, I have that one.  "Angry Mom Tells Bud Bundy: Get A Job Or I'll
Take Away Your BMW."
*I know and I don't get it.  You know what?  To be TOTALLY honest with
you, all right?  There have been a couple that had at least a BIT of
truth to them.  So they can make a roundabout story.  Like there's the
one in there-I don't know if you found the one that says I went down
to Mexico and partied and it was a crazy time.
<No, I don't have that one.
*Oh, see that one was actually true.
<I saw "Faustino Flips For Topless Model."
*Which one was that?
<On location in London?  Turns his hotel suite into a love nest for
topless model whose picture he'd seen in a newspaper?
*BULLSHIT.  I would tell you, 'cause I have no shame in my game.  If I
had done it, I would tell you. But it's bullshit.  I mean, I WISH it
was true. (laughs)  It's weird.  You gotta either NOT GO OUT and watch
your back completely at all times, OR not give a fuck what anybody
says and do what you wanna do and live your life.
<Did any of it ever bother you?
* Well, yeah.  Because at that age, my parents were reading it.  It's
just like, you know, embarrassing.  But then, when you grow up, you're
like, I want TO GET BACK IN THEM (laughs)
<Where do you go when you want to get away from everything?
*Actually, I'm gonna stay in town for this hiatus.  I'm taking some
classes.  I'm taking acting classes, Tai-Chi classes and I take a lot
of Yoga classes.
<Really?  You find that very relaxing?
*Love it, love it, love it.  Do you take it?
<No, but I always wanted to.
*Let me tell you something.  If yo ufind a good Yoga class, you'll
love it.  I'm telling you, it's the best thing you can do.  I LOVE IT.
You gotta get a real guru.
<I'm gonna want to dress in white sheets...
*RIGHT! (laughs)  I always wear one when I'm not working...

    [Interview ends]