6/15/58

Scripture: Mark 10: 1-12

Yesterday afternoon there was a wedding here at this church. There were at least three other weddings during this day in our city --- perhaps more than that. Each was an occasion long and carefully planned. Each was a memorable event. For, in each case, two people, a man and a woman, having desired to establish a home together, had decided to become "no longer two independent lives but one united life" together.

The estate into which they entered together is one that is well enough known to be taken for granted --- like the wind and clouds and sun. There are so many examples of marriage that little notice is taken of it except to celebrate the entrance into it of those whose wedding marks their change in estate. Indeed, it is probable that we take too much for granted the estate of marriage, so that we need reminder that it is more than something of the mortal earth. It is deeply involved with things spiritual and eternal.

Two people, mature in their adult decision, decide to move out of the lives that each has known into a new estate. They pledge their faith to things planned, but not yet seen. Two thoughtful folk, with honorable intention, forsake their former first allegiance to father and mother and declare a new first allegiance to each other. Two intelligent individuals abandon the polite distances of friendship and enter into the incredible intimacies of the home which they establish. Their former wholly separate personalities resolve to be no longer two but one united life.

It is the wonder of marriage! And we do well not to take it for granted but to be continually reminded of its wonder and its worth. Into a comradeship of mystery and glory walk each bride and groom who come through the door of the church on their wedding day to be joined in holy marriage.

The minister begins the service with the announcement that those present have gathered to join this man and this woman in holy marriage, "an honorable estate, instituted of God for happiness and welfare of mankind." This is the first, tremendous fact, always to be considered in any thought of Christian marriage. It is undertaken in the presence of God. It is not simply a civil-recognized marriage; it is holy marriage. It is regulated not alone by the laws devised by man, but by the creative commandments of God.

What would one think of a man who decided to equip his automobile with special equipment for greater efficiencies in his business -- Dictaphone, wireless telephone, magazine rack and places for temporary filing, full-time chauffeur and traveling secretary -- but who neglected to get license plates for the car?

Would it not be equally foolish, and far more serious, to make a similar mistake in one’s wedding? Remember the florist, the photographer, the decorator, and the guidance of Emily Post, but to forget God is to leave out what matters most of all. For the wedding is solemnized in His presence; it is made possible by His creative purpose; it is regulated by His commandments. We are, of course, talking in spiritual terms, for marriage is most importantly a spiritual occurrence. No wonder it is "to be entered into advisedly, soberly, and reverently."

And no wonder, either, that each pledges an abiding esteem for each other, a lifelong loyalty and mutual sharing, in strength or weakness, in health or sickness, in poverty or riches, until death shall part them. This mutual desire and determination and dedication is essential in Christian marriage. Indeed marriage can not succeed without it. And each couple must recognize this before entering the holy estate.

The author of a story dramatizes a lack which properly should deter a couple from marriage until it is overcome. The young man proposes marriage to the girl who, frankly, has some qualms about the matter. He is trying to persuade her. "I can make you happy," he says to her as they walk in the garden. "You shall have a piano in a year or two. And I’ll practice up the flute real well to play with you in the evenings." "Yes," says the girl, "I should like that."

"And you shall have one of those little rigs for market, and nice flowers and birds - cocks and hens, I mean, because they be useful," said the young fellow, balancing his farm experience between the poetry and the practical. "I should like it very much," says the girl.

"And a frame for the cucumbers - like a gentleman and lady," he suggests. "Yes," she agrees.

"And when the wedding was over, we’d have it put in the newspaper list of marriages." "I should dearly like that," says the girl.

"And babies in the birth notice -- every one of them when they come! At home, by the fire whenever you look up, there I shall be -- and when I look up there will be you."

But now the girl’s countenance becomes doubtful. After a moment of considered silence, she turns to him decisively. "No, ‘tis no use," she says. "I don’t want to marry you. A marriage would be very nice in one sense. People would talk about me, and think I had won my search. And I should even feel triumphant about it. But a husband ..." "Well," he persisted. "Why, he’d always be there, as you say; whenever I’d look up there he’d be." "Of course he would -- I, that is."

"Well, what I mean is that I shouldn’t mind being a bride at a wedding, if I could be one without a husband. But since a woman can’t show off in that way by herself, I shan’t marry -- at least not yet."

It is a glorious thing to stand in a church, there in the presence of God, to be joined in holy marriage. But every privilege has its own corresponding obligation. And one is not to be accepted without the other. The man and the woman who enter into marriage are instructed to cherish a mutual esteem and love, to be patient with infirmities and weaknesses, to remember the need for comfort in sickness, trouble or sorrow, to provide for each others’ welfare in the temporal and spiritual concerns of their household.

It is a holy estate, and the minister is not using empty words when he charges the couple with their responsibility in marriage.

There comes in the service, a time for the couple to speak for themselves. The minister turns to the man and asks, "James, do you take Alice to be your lawful wedded wife? And do you promise to be to her a faithful and loving husband so long as you both shall live?" "I do," replies the man.

Then the minister turns to the woman.

"Alice," he asks, "do you take James to be your lawful, wedded husband? And do you promise to be to him a faithful and loving wife so long as you both shall live?" "I do," she replies.

And there the faith of the church meets the faith of man and woman who have come into the church to be married. For 1900 years, it has been the faith of the church that marriage is a holy estate, an agreement to live together "according to God’s holy ordinance," loving, honoring, keeping. It is to be for life, with no canceling or wavering in sickness or in health. From the day of marriage to the day of death, no other man or woman is to be permitted to invade the sacred precincts of this intimate union. As each answers, "I do," the bonds of the past and the ties of childhood submission give way for the forming of this new, permanent tie.

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" the minister asks. And when the bride’s father, or one acting in his behalf, has identified himself and his intention, and has withdrawn himself from his daughter’s side, the way is cleared for the new relationship to be established.

The man and the woman give their right hands and repeat their marriage vows. Taught by the minister, and looking to each other, they bind themselves together for the rest of their lives. "I, James, take you, Alice, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death shall part us, according to God’s holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge you my faith."

"I, Alice, take you, James, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death shall part us, according to God’s holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge you my faith."

Does each fully understand the pledge there made? "To have and to hold;" marriage is more than a gift. It is an achievement. It may seem easy enough to have it; but to keep it, you have to hold it, work for it and in it, pray about it.

"For better or for worse." The better is the assuring hope of each. Does it ever occur to this man and this woman that it could be for worse? I once knew a man in a respected profession whose wife turned out to be kleptomaniac. It was a mental disease of such proportions that she had to be constantly watched lest she steal anything from dime store trinkets, to more valuable merchandise, to produce from the gardens which she passed by. On numerous occasions the husband went quietly and promptly to pay for items which the wife was known to have stolen in answer to this abnormal urge. A friend of the man, meaning to be understanding and sympathetic, once dared to ask him why he did not divorce his wife. Why do you put up with this constant anxiety and disgrace?

The husband’s answer was crisp and direct and determined. He settle the matter with one straight look and one direct question: "I married her, didn’t I?" That was all. He intended to keep his vow, and did so until his death.

"For richer or for poorer." The hope is for a good house after a while; and the things that make life more convenient, and pleasant. But what if depression or unemployment come? That, too, is to be faced together.

"In sickness and in health." What about the wife who may be confined to bed for months or years, or the husband whose mind so deteriorates that he may never work again, or even be left alone? These conditions are not sought, but in some lives they do occur. And you and I have witnessed the loyalty with which some spouses stand by their partners in continuing devotion -- not because of duty alone, but because they had meant it with heart, soul and mind when they had promised "for better or for worse." Their compact had been made before God. To His grace they have appealed and on His presence they have counted so long as both have life.

There is no way of knowing, at the altar of their wedding, all that the future holds in store for them. But in their partial knowledge and hope, they make their vows in earnest sincerity. And the remembrance of those vows becomes a permanent stone in the foundation of their life together.

They want a symbol of their compact.

"What token of these pledges do you give?" asks the minister. "A ring," comes the reply. And this never-ending circlet of precious materials, given and received, is put on the finger of the beloved in a open, outward sign of the love declared then, and to be continued without ending. "This ring I give you in token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love."

Since they two have consented together in marriage, and have given and received a ring, or rings, in token of their faith toward each other, in the presence of God and competent witnesses, the minister, exercising the authority given him as a minister of the church of Jesus Christ, and representing the whole community of men and women on earth, pronounces the man and woman husband and wife.

And in the words of the Gospel, he enjoins all present that, "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Prayer is now offered for the marriage and for those who have entered into it.

Then comes the benediction, beseeching the peace of God to guard and bless this couple, and repeating the ancient words of Aaron to the chosen people: "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace." [Numbers 6: 24-26]. And with the further benediction upon all present, the ceremony ends and the great new life begins.

The wedding party proceeds down the aisle toward the opening door. And minister, families and guests, earnestly hope that this man and this woman will have in their hearts through years ahead the permanence and understanding by which a home if built, maintained and defended. Much of it is embodied in an affirmation which Alexander Magoun suggests for husbands and wives at the close of the day:

"This day is almost done. When the night and the morning meet, it will be only an unalterable memory. So let no unkind word; no careless, doubting thought; no guilty secret; no neglected duty; no wisp of jealous fog; becloud its passing. For we belong to each other -- to have and to hold -- and we are determined not to lose the keen sense of appreciation which God has given us. To have is passive, and was consummated on our wedding day, but to hold is active and can never be quite finished as long as we both shall live.

Now as we put our arms about each other in sincere and affectionate token of our deep and abiding love, we would lay aside all disturbing thoughts, all misunderstandings, all unworthiness. If things have gone awry, let neither of us lift an accusing finger, nor become entangled in the rationalizations of self-defense. Who is to blame is not important; only how shall we set the situation right. Thus serving and being served, loving and being loved, blessing and being blessed, we shall make a happy peaceful home, where hearts shall never ‘drop their leaves’ and where we and our children shall learn to face life joyfully, fearlessly, triumphantly, so near as God shall give us grace."

-------------------

Delivered in Wisconsin Rapids, June 15, 1958.