Someone asks behavioral economist Dan Ariely if she should put out to a guy that she is dating. She “Unsure” is seriously into “George”, and wonders if the rule about making him wait is true.

Well, Dr Arieli says that according to behavior economics research, the rule is true:

The classic experiment here comes from psychologists Leon Festinger and James Carlsmith, who had participants perform a boring task and then paid them either $20 or $1 to convince someone else that the task had been great fun. Everyone then rated the task, with the result that the $1 participants rated the task more positively than did the $20 crew. While the $20 group could explain away the dissonance between their action (“I told someone the task was riveting”) and their belief (“It actually bored me to tears”) via money (“I was paid to promote the task”), the $1 individuals could not because they could not justify misleading others for such a small amount of money– so they changed their initial belief (“I must really like the task, to have promoted it”) and they ended up rating the task more positively.

To give you an example that is closer to our social life, look at fraternities: loyalty to frats increases with the amount of hazing, since pledges tell themselves, “I did a lot of embarrassing stuff for my frat – it must really matter to me.”

So, the advice to, “In other words, make him work, and he will rationalize it by deciding he loves you,” is supported by studies.

It does explain my favoring women who are can sometimes be described as “high maintenance,” though I feel compelled to note that each moment with Sharon,^* is unalloyed bliss.

^*Love of my life, light of the cosmos, she who must be obeyed, my wife.^†
†I know what you are thinking, he’s just writing that because he knows that she could read this on the net. My response is that Sharon^* is a deeply passionate woman, and she has knives, and some of them are dull…..Mama did not raise no fools.