Germany held a beauty pageant for cows, and much to my surprise, German Chancellor Angela Merkel did not win:

Forget Germany’s Next Top Model and Heidi Klum. This week, the German gaze was trained on the country’s most beautiful cow. “Krista” became the envy of bovine beauty queens across the land when she won the grand prize at the 2011 German Holstein Show, her second time to take the pageant’s top honor.

Krista successfully defended her 2009 title against a field of much heavier competition than that faced by most other beauty contestants. Of some two million hopeful dairy dames, just over 200 were chosen to lock horns over the grand prize, which comes complete with a trophy and cow-sized sash. Eight finalists strutted their stuff for a panel of jurors in the northern German city of Oldenburg on Thursday night. But it was Krista, described by juror Matthias Zens as “a perfect Holstein,” who won over the jury with her professional demeanor and pleasing physique.

“The udder should be wide and the back high,” said Zens on what makes a winner. With her straight back and strong legs, Krista has risen above the rest of the herd to rake in prizes on the bovine pageant circuit. The black and white bovine beauty has it all: a good figure, great legs and taut skin. As with human beauty contests, sagging is frowned upon. Other coveted traits include bright eyes, alertness and a plumb udder.

It’s different, at most beauty pageants, the contestants do not urinate on the runway.

Meow.