Previous Material, from before September 2010, Appears Here. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In fact, it's an appear-a-thon -- each old non-sunsigns page leads you farther back in time... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STUFF -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- December 31, 2010: There's only one real reason why "new year" is important (well, relative to charts, there are a lot more reasons). The number of the year changes. I've said many times I noticed something regarding numbers that I had never come across before, either in numerology, or a very lame astrological numerological seminar I once attended. This scheme of numbers will be most apparent if there are matching numbers in your name, and your birthdate. Also, your chart is heavily involved, which is why it is less simple to explain how all this works, since most people have no idea what conditions their planets are really in. So, I have to write the article at some point, but it will be a lot of work. Choosing good numbers in an attempt to improve your circumstances is iffy, because it is a lot like breaking your hip during a bad transit, and then having to live with the consequences once the bad transit is over. But still, it is a good idea, just in case fate allows you any control over your circumstances. So, here is a hint: Make a list of all the worst years in your life, and a list of all the best years in your life. If the worst years tend to correspond to the number 3 (as it will for many individuals), or to some other number, and the best years correspond to a different number or couple of numbers, then you'd want to learn how and why this numbers system works. And yes, 2010 has been a "3" year (simply add the digits together), and not a good year for many of us. I've had hell since 2007 (a "9" year), which has still not abated. The reason has to do with what's going on in my chart, and an unfortunate conflict between my chart, and the chart of a friend, who has a lot to do with my living environments. So, all the natal malignancy I have, related to my 4th house, is further clashed badly by my friend's chart. But if my friend were not in the picture, I'd be having a hell of some other nature, due to terrible transits and progressions, which just won't seem to end. The new year, which will be a number "4" year, won't help me much. My progressions are in an awful mess, for a very long time, which is one of the reasons I despair of ever being free of the stalker that's torturing me. No one will help me because my p Moon (people) is fallen in Scorpio, and still in the via combusta, after having a progressed Solar Eclipse conjunct my natal MC. Eclipses are NOT necessarily good - they presage major events, either good or bad - in my case, bad. So, with all this going on (and more in my transits), the numbers only tell me which bad days will be even worse. Hopefully I'll write that article before I die. If nothing can be done about the psycho stalker, I'll probably die before I can write the article. The biblical Job had an easier life than mine. ESAD, "God". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- December 23, 2010: The nature of miracles is such that they come via one's own efforts. When one is without, completely without, resources, such as basic health (being able to walk, or even think), money, friends, transportation, or even family (if you'd want them), no miracle is possible. Divine intervention exists, as I've noticed, only to prevent death, so a person can continue to suffer and struggle against forces much greater than hirself. I'm repeating the punishment of progressed Moon in Scorpio. I don't know how people who have it natively handle it (except I've noticed that most of them are psychotic). My life has been bad enough. What complete nonsense, fearing for my soul. That's like blaming myself for (God) having created hell. I've done incredibly well, with the hell I was given. I never killed anyone. I never will. I hope you understand the subtext. But you never will. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- December 15, 2010: I am struggling for my soul. My heart is open to [my concept of] God. But I am so losing this battle. It has to do with the stalker, of course, which has to do with so much else. Someone implied that my suffering (lifelong, of such intensity no one but I could have borne it) is because I inflicted such horrors on others, in other lifetimes (because I sure as hell haven't in this one). I have long considered that possibility. But it is extremely graceless for anyone to suggest anything like that to you (especially when you already realize the possibility). It's like telling the rape victim she was asking for it. Anything you have no knowledge of cannot be used to condemn you! Years ago, I tried to make that point, here on a Panix newsgroup, and got virtually tarred and feathered. The victim is NOT responsible for being victimized. The victim is not aware of what drew the criminal to hir. In my case, I know I have a monster inside me. That is what has drawn the criminals to me all my life. I've tried to live in ways that would keep my inner monster from coming out. It worked for a long time. But now, I am really losing it - the monster is coming out. I am afraid for my soul. It's not that I'm afraid I'll harm anyone. It's the hatred and blind rage the stalker provokes - I am so afraid my soul is ruined. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- December 9, 2010: What I think could be helpful, to reclaim and restore the USA to the Founders' vision, is for you to gather with your neighbors in prayer assemblies, and also for the purpose of making plans amongst yourselves as to how you will survive intact, when the system is in visible collapse. Work with each other to decide some form of barter system, because money will probably be useless. Create food storage for each family, and individual. (You should be buying lots of non-perishable foods and other necessities now, while it's still possible.) Don't rely on any firearms you own as a form of self-preservation. Very likely, your firearms will be taken from you, by local "authorities", or national "authorities". Through all of it, know that you are still your own highest authority, under God. ************** I, along with millions of other US citizens, have already been death-paneled. The only doctor I could get, was one for the indigent people in the community. She did what she could, but it was nothing compared to the level of health care available to me only 2 or 3 years ago, or even more shockingly, a few months ago. The doctor confirmed I may have cancer, but did not give me any referrals (yet?). She very eagerly gave me samples of pulmonary medication. But no referrals. (Yet?) I asked for a flu shot. She became nervous and said she'd see if they had any. She came back and poked a needle in my shoulder, but I have no idea whether I received the vaccine. I spent $17.00 in cab fare (and I'll be getting a bill from the clinic, too), to get a needle in my shoulder, and no referrals. (Yet?) So you see, it starts very quietly. For Obama (Massive Federal Government, micro-managing every aspect of our lives, to serve the ultimate agenda of the far left radical communists) to buy the car companies, and the financial sector, and keep people dependent on unemployment checks for almost four years, and whatever else he "bailed out" - which only means *bought*, which only means racking up more debt to China, et al, he decided to cut the benefits of the most vulnerable people in the country. A few months ago, a man speaking for available "benefits" urged me to apply for food stamps. I replied that I'd rather not do that unless it became imperative. He said, "Yes, but you never know when that time might come." I still refused to apply for food stamps. Food has gotten very expensive. But I am still buying as much non-perishable foods as I can, when I buy my monthly groceries, to keep in reserve, in case I don't have cancer, and decide I want to stick around through this shitstorm of the psycho stalker, and the collapse of the USA. After all, I am very stubborn, and I'd stick around just to piss off scumbags like "Obama & Friends." Have you heard what Van Jones had to say in September? Check it out in the bold-type link above. I'd stay alive just to piss him off. Speaking of piss, doesn't "Wikileaks" kind of sound like having to pee at a picnic? I wonder how much longer I'll be allowed to write the truth. I said it couldn't be done but, yes, they are trying to gain control of the internet. We're in for a very bumpy ride. Remember: Assemble with your friends and neighbors in prayer, be of good character, and think of ways in which you can restore the American experiment, in a way of peace, hope, honor, and faith. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- December 2, 2010: No apparent change on the psycho stalker front, although his little gadgets seem not to work in the rain. I don't know what to tell you. You wouldn't listen, anyway. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- November 28, 2010: The POS stalker freak - get this: DOB June 6, 1966. 666. Actually, the birthdate adds up to 7, which is unfortunate for my choice of apartment. I had wondered why 7 had begun being more difficult since last year - now it makes sense. But check out the tight square of Sun to Uranus-Pluto. Didn't the Unabomber have them all conjunct? This freak has them square. T Saturn is contrantiscion n Sun now, but it isn't seeming to hinder the POS. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- November 15, 2010: Glenn Beck said we all have stuff we don't use, and don't really need, and we ought to sell it to buy more non-perishable food, water, and other supplies, or pay off debt, or both. He's right. I don't know what I have that I could get much money for at all. The stuff I can think of is stuff that makes me happy and, in my situation, I need all the bits of happiness I can get. By the way, the "Death Panels" which were going to go into effect once "Obama Care" kicked in, are already in effect. If the only insurance you have, or your main insurance, is Medicare, you are going to have a tougher time finding a doctor who'll take you on as a patient. This is already happening to a senior I know, who can't get her yearly stress test anymore, and it's happening to me, because I can't get doctors who are taking new patients to take me. Kinda reminds me of Hitler's Germany. Thank you SO MUCH for voting for Obama! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- November 14, 2010: In the "Don't [you] ever lighten up?" Department, I'm thinking I really oughta've moved to L.A. The Pot Convention combined with a random memory I had earlier, of how, at the communist Apollo Junior High I was assigned to, one of the few nice things was that in Home Ec. (because girls were still only going to be wives and mothers - if they were normal) we were taught how to make fudge. That stuff was so incredibly good, and easy to make, and I was thinking how much I really wished I still had the recipe. Well, the Pot Convention showed all the miraculous things one can do now with marijuana. I was thinking if I could only get some, and mix it into the fudge, it would be super fantastico. Of course, you'd want a pan of fudge without any pot in it for when you got the munchies and didn't want to get higher. I am so pro-pot-legalization. The crap you buy from even someone reliable who sells what you think is pure pot is not pure pot, and I haven't been able to cope with street pot since my early 20s. To be able to get good pot without additives would make a huge difference. I'd feel worlds better, and be able to cope with everything on my plate much more creatively. The pot you'd buy from a reliable black market dealer has speed of some sort mixed in, very often. That could be what causes the paranoia and even addiction that lifelong pot users can get. Pure pot is not addictive, and it never makes the user belligerent - quite the opposite. Compare that to alcohol, which is addictive, and does make users belligerent. There is no reason on earth for pot to be illegal anywhere. Legalize it, and regulate it (must be over 18, etc.), and let pot businesses provide much needed jobs! Pot, and a dear friend, and music, were the only things that got me through school. College was a different story - there, I needed tons of booze to try to numb out all the horrible shit that happened to me. 1977 was the worst year of my young adulthood. If this page is seen by the girl who used her disgusting boyfriend and his rancid friends to break my future, I'd just like her to know she has a great deal of hell patiently awaiting her arrival. And to those of you who lived in Blackstone Hall in 1977: You chose to believe a sick lie. You could have helped me, but you chose not to. I had no choice, because I was so afraid, and suffocating with shame. I literally could not talk about it until some time in the '90s. I acted as if nothing were happening (after a brief psychotic break), and then I had to quit college. Yes, legalize pot. I want some amazing fudge before sugar costs $25.00 a pound. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- November 9, 2010: If you watched Beck today, please be extremely wary of giving money to the "Hanukkah Box" fund, and of buying the "Elegant Disposable Dinnerware", which were two highly suspect commercials which aired during the hour. Beck was attacking George Soros, whom he claims is after him, trying to shut down his show. I could see those two commercials being a sick ruse to get money for Soros from Beck's 'stupid followers' (as to any of such people, we're all just 'stupid followers'; according to Bloomberg, we can't read, either...). By warning you, I'm not implying we are stupid, because I nearly fell for it. There are people who are much smarter than I am, who don't have the curse of my cynicism, and are soft-hearted, and would donate a few dollars if they're showing miserable people in need, on TV. Especially Holocaust Survivors, unless you're a Liberal and no longer care about that because of the "Evil Zionist Regime." See, now I *would* contribute to a well-known Jewish or Israeli charity. I was even writing the link down to contribute, until the commercial started seeming weird to me. (By the way, Hanukkah is not an important Jewish Holiday, as the commercial claimed; it was built up so Jewish kids could get presents, around the same time their Christian friends were getting Christmas presents. Hanukkah is considered a remembrance of a miracle, but it isn't nearly as important in, what I know of, the Jewish Faith.) The story Beck told, if true, about his network rep meeting with a Soros rep and being given a gift for Beck from Soros of "A Face in the Crowd" is really insulting to Beck, and shows a sort of adolescent petulance on the part of Soros (as if I'm one to talk, and as if that's the worst thing about Soros?). I don't know that I 'like' Beck - there are things about him that bug me - but he has something to offer, which is his viewpoint. We're all allowed to have one, even on air. Beck never says anything openly bigoted, so there's no reason to fire him. If you live a public life, you will be a target. That's all. Soros might think he's hidden, but he's not. He gives interviews and appears on TV. Soros is a complicated figure. Whatever he believes in, the world is not ready for, yet. No one has developed a warp-capable spaceship , and the Vulcans haven't landed, if you catch my drift. I'm saying humanity has not evolved to the point where a Global Government could be anything other than a disastrous 'murder machine'. Right now, I feel sorry for Beck (without liking him a whole lot), and I feel sorry for Soros (without liking him at all). Mostly, I feel sorry for us, and for our country. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- November 9, 2010: Yesterday, they decided to print more money... They had said over and over again they would never do it. But they did. This is exactly what the Weimar Republic did which led to wheelbarrows of paper money being pushed to the market to buy a loaf of bread. Today, there is a rocket launch which no one will explain. At all. My guess is that they intend the rocket launch to frighten and confuse the populace. Frightened people will comply much more easily with Martial Law than angry people will. The reason I can't forecast is that I have no charts to work with. There is no agreed upon chart for the U.S. Without a chart for the U.S., it is very hard to know which transits and progressions are in play. I'd guess that some progressed body in the chart, whatever it is, is catching a whole lot of Uranus, Saturn, and Pluto. And Neptune. I do know that there have been eclipses up the wazoo. There were the July eclipses, and now there are the December/January eclipses. These upcoming ones occur on the World Axis (0 degrees Cardinal), and yesterday the Sun passed 15 degrees Scorpio - another degree of the World Axis on a 90 degree dial (via semi-square). But at the moment, without a chart of the U.S., there's nothing more I can say. So, I'll just talk about myself for a bit. Long, long ago, in a land far away, I moved in with a gay guy who was taking over my job, which I was leaving for a better one, at a record store, to save money. I didn't know him well. The record store had a large employee base of gay men. Well, one evening I came home to find the carpet soaked with blood, writing in blood on the walls, and the roommate lying on the floor, still conscious. I asked him if he was okay. He said yes. I called his friends. For some reason, I had to go use the phone in a tavern; I think because getting back to the phone it was too bloody, and it was making me sick. I called my father, and said I'd have to stay at their house for a bit. (It sucked.) Later, his friends, who'd used to laugh at me, and all the gay guys at work, made it clear that they despised me because I hadn't immediately called an ambulance. Or the police. I never called anyone but a friend of his, I think. I tried his shrink, but there was no answer. (For the record, he survived just fine.) For *years* I chastized myself so harshly, and I thought, I know I was emotionally frozen back then, but how could I have been so dense? Well, I finally realized, this past year, density had NOTHING to do with it. This roommate had terrorized me. If you've ever been in an abusive relationship, where you DIDN'T love your abuser, maybe you can get this. He'd scream in my face, drunk, or sober. I was so on edge there that I completely disengaged. THAT WAS WHY I HADN'T CALLED THE POLICE, ETC. If it had been someone I loved, I'd have been frantic, waiting for an ambulance to come. So, all you self-righteous fags and friends of that creep, go fuck yourselves. I wasn't as emotionally frozen as I thought. But, if you are beginning to see a pattern in my life... Abusive men. So, most lately now, the psychopath that's stalking me. I don't wonder anymore why I never married. By the way, if you're planning to kill yourself but aren't quite sure you really want to be dead, make sure you don't try it in a place where anyone you've abused will find you. It can't be said with certainty what your abusee will do but, either way, you might not like the result. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- November 4, 2010: This has been an absolutely hellish day, because of the psychopath stalker, but I did have a moment of clarity. I have survived stuff in my life that most people could not imagine. I am *the* strongest person I know, I am *the* ultimate survivor - and since I am, I am going to win. I would in the end, anyway, on "the other side", but I'm going to win on earth, too. I will see that psychopath pay. I will see the bastard locked up. I will have freedom again. The POS has a blind spot because he's obsessed with controlling me. That blind spot is a weakness. So is the fact that the POS followed me here. I'm going to win my freedom back. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- November 3, 2010: I used to like November. No. I used to like blasting a song called "Late November" by a 70s rock band on my stereo every November. There were a lot of things I used to like. The only person who could understand how I'm feeling is someone who's been gone for so long. There's so much I want to say, but if I tried, the words would suffocate me. There's no such thing any longer, anywhere in the world, as the individual. And individuals, so it follows, don't matter. That might be one of the finest defenses of astrology ever to be made, and the first time it's had to be made. Astrology, if nothing else does anymore, recognizes the individual. The moment the individual is lost, we're all doomed. Carry the torch. Learn well. Keep true astrology alive. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 30, 2010: I now believe the stalker freak is living in my new building. Probably not under his own name. This is a nightmare I can't escape, and because of it, I have no future. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 28, 2010: There are a few more things regarding how the Moon can work in a chart. Actually, there are more than a few things, but I'll write them as I think of them. Firstly, when the Moon is transiting your 1st house, you attract people's attention and have them on your side, so this is a goodish time (other things being considered) for rallying people to your "cause", whether it's trying to sell something, if you are in sales, or to begin a new idea for which you need the help of others, including, but not limited to, getting a loan. So, pretty much, it's a beneficial time for you. Here are the exceptions - if you have Capricorn or Scorpio in the 1st house, and either Saturn or Mars, respectively, are afflicted, by transit or condition, you will not get the support you want on your side. Also, if Mars or Saturn, depending on whether you have Scorpio or Capricorn in your 1st house, are in detriment or fall, the attention which comes your way when transit Moon is in your 1st house, will not be favorable. It can even be unwanted, painful, or otherwise difficult. BUT, IF Saturn or Mars, respectively, are in exaltation, and not otherwise afflicted, you are in better luck. Not best luck, because the Moon in detriment or fall always has a sharpish edge, but better luck. This holds true natally, as well. If Mars is in Capricorn, for example, and the Moon is in Scorpio (anywhere in the chart, but especially if NOT in the 8th or 12th), this makes for an expert strategist, who does extremely well at reading people, and therefore is also very good in business. There is sometimes a slight drawback of natural Scorpio Moon paranoia, but it leads to expert investigative skills. And so it goes also, if natal Saturn is exalted in Libra, a Capricorn Moon person will not be as harsh as they otherwise often are, and will probably be a person of very good character, if other factors in the chart don't indicate otherwise. Now, back to Moon transiting the 1st house - the one thing this is NOT GOOD for is surgery of any kind. Especially if Moon is in Scorpio or Capricorn, regardless of whether Mars or Saturn are in exaltation or domicile. So, this can happen as well, in the secondary progressions. Let's say a person is born with natal Saturn very near the end of Virgo. As Saturn progresses into Libra, this person's character can change for the better, depending on the chart. But transit Saturn in Libra will not necessarily (probably not at all) improve the character of a "bad" individual with natal Capricorn Moon, and Saturn not in exaltation, or domicile, either natally, or by progression. I'm not saying that all people with natal Capricorn Moon, or natal Scorpio Moon are necessarily bad, if natal Saturn or Mars are not exalted or domiciled and free of affliction, but there is a better chance they could be. Also, there is another method of judging character which is amazingly reliable, but I am sort of honor bound not to touch upon it briefly, because it requires a certain amount of explanation, and I wouldn't want it falling into the hands of people who lack compassion and reverence for their fellow beings (which might sound funny coming from me, because way up on the page, I really put down Muslims, as a collective entity - but I do not put down individuals unless one has intentionally harmed me). It seems there was more I wanted to write regarding the Moon, but it eludes me for now. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 26, 2010: I'm acting nuts, lately. I threatened the moderator of the forum, where that horrible woman attacked me, with bad press, not only for the forum, but for the [topic] of the forum, which is something I love. But only on the condition of not receiving a heartfelt and sincere apology from the woman, which of course will never happen, since she'd be incapable of giving a heartfelt and sincere apology. Don't I have more PRESSING things to do?! I am so on edge, so desperate, that I'm grabbing on to someone that abused me, as a sort of substitute for the stalker, who is really abusing me, that I CANNOT make progress getting rid of. I'm understanding that even if I'd moved to the other side of the country, the bastard would have followed me. There is only ONE PLACE the POS cannot follow me. I've been trying to avoid going there, but if the POS can't be caught, I have no hope of ever living freely and free of torture again. I have been so cursed, by my own soul. What was I thinking when I decided I could "get through this"? I guess I was thinking, "Well it'll really be the pits, but earth life is just a blink of the eye, and I'll be back home before I know it." Note to soul: Earth Life Is INTERMINABLE. It's like being an immortal turtle with it's legs cut off. The things that happen on earth are monstrous! Especially when you sign on for a life as prey for monsters! Back when there was a beautiful lull in my life, more or less away from monsters, things like simple Mars transits made no difference, really. It wasn't a day or series of days I would dread. Now, I dread Mars everywhere. There is no sign where Mars doesn't portend horrible days for me. The worst for me are combinations of Mars, Mercury, and Uranus, but Mars to anything in my chart now portends a horrible day. If I'm "projecting" violence, so what? I only have two choices - be the victim, or the perpetrator. EVERYTHING is fated. I KNOW the violence inside me (more than others are acquainted with theirs, I guess). IT DOESN'T MATTER. Jung's great failing was his belief in free will. He thought there was a cure for "projection". THERE ISN'T. I don't know what I'll do. When I first moved here, I felt so free. I knew it was a repulsive dump, but I was planning how I could eventually make it into a home. But now, I have a pervasive feeling that I won't be here for very long - that I will end up in the street. I haven't unpacked. There are cartons everywhere. Cockroaches have gotten into them. There are a million places the POS stalker can hide, outside, and inside this building. No one believes me. The situation is a nightmare. I can imagine a "modern" astrologer advising me to take up self-defense classes, etc. Great idea! Except - I have a broken disk in my back. I can't even walk a block. Everything I loved was taken from me. First, the two beings whose love kept me safe. Then my ability to make music. Then my ability to walk. Oh, how I loved to walk. I can imagine a "modern" astrologer advising me to find new things to love. Well, I can't do it, and I can't reveal why, and it has nothing to do with not wanting to. So, let's see. I can either find acceptable ways to be violent and disruptive (as a cripple?), or have the violence directed at me via attraction-of-natal-qualities/projection. Even if I could find some way to be acceptably violent and disruptive, that doesn't mean the "projection" ends. There has to be a cycle in place which draws these monsters to me. I haven't yet worked it out. See, when the progressed New Moon is fallen, and in the via combusta, and Under the Sun's Rays, it means people aren't there for you. In a major way. In your chart, your Moon represents, in large part, the people who are there for you, and your general standing among them, such as whether they care for you or not. It also represents the part of the mind which absorbs data and does stuff with it you know nothing about, like a trojan on your computer. So, at this point in time, I am SOL. I never had a lot of luck in this area to begin with, considering natal Moon is conjunct Saturn in the 12th. But I know I'm in my Jupiter Firdar, which means I have to live some kind of public life again, and MAYBE things will get better in another year, when p Moon is farther from p Sun, and a year after that, when t Jupiter is in my natal 4th. I feel so played out. These last 11 years have been so horrible and I had vowed to myself I would never allow myself to have to suffer like this again. I don't know how to get rid of the POS stalker, and I'm probably only weeks from being a street person. That's public life, anyway. So, I have an unsolvable problem. I have to try, I guess, one way or another. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ October 25, 2010: I've been running across women who seem to hate me. I don't really mind that. What I do mind is that coy, nasty, "mean girl" thing they do, as if they're still in high school, and they don't *tell* me why they hate me. Give me the reason. There are a lot of people I don't like, but I'm straightforward and I say exactly why. I tell the truth. People hate me for telling the truth. I don't lie, and pretend the world is a wonderful place, or say that your dreams can all come true. I *know better*, so I cannot say such things. I can say "I hope they do." But I know for the most part, life is shit for the majority of people. I show people how little freedom women really have, especially those who are completely alone, like me. They *hate* me for that. They are in relationships they contemplate leaving, because they aren't happy. And then I come along and show them what a nightmare life can be with a little bad luck and a lot of aloneness. They *hate* me for that. What we should be doing is working together to protect all women from the sorts of nightmare situations I've been in, more than once, in my own life, including this stalker-freak situation. (Which, by the way, I think might be resolved with a little *good* luck, because the fact that the freak is hanging around my new apartment, and not 50 miles away at his, DOES constitute EVIDENCE for the police.) What we should be doing is making the country (if not the world) SAFE for women, so women can have PERSONAL FREEDOM. In person, I'm really very nice. If you are in pain of any kind, I will do whatever I can to help according to your wishes. I am not intrusive. I don't swear at people (even when I'm driving), and even though I rarely smile, I think people, in person, sense my kindness. But I try to avoid talking much. As for women, in general right now, they are not at their best. Venus is retrogade, and detrimented in Scorpio. This can cause women, in women's groups, to act like nasty, clique-y bitches. It's also bad for someone like me, because until Venus gets out of Scorpio, all women seem kind of unreliable, and how much help will the police be? I'm still afflicted by my Progressed New Moon, which happened to be a Solar Eclipse (oh, joy!), on my natal Midheaven, in the via combusta, around 14 months ago. My progressed Moon is still "Under the Sun's Rays", which leaves me much more vulnerable to the scum of the earth, because I have no one "in my corner." And then I'm still screwed because my progressed Moon will be fallen, and for eleven more months in the via combusta, in Scorpio, for about two more years. I don't know what to do. I'd consider joining a convent, just to get out of this nightmare, but the sisters would probably all be clique-y bitches. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 23, 2010: Some absolute idiot is claiming that Jane Austen's novels had to have been re-written by her male editor, based on her poor punctuation, spelling, and difference in writing style in her handwritten letters and diaries. Oh, please. I'm not even a writer, and I know that my writing varies entirely in form depending on WHAT I'm writing, and who, if any, are intended to read it! I've written songs. Granted, maybe I now think most of them are crap, but I never used profanity in them the way I do in this type of writing. They didn't need profanity - they were the product of my soul which, worthless as it is, is on a higher plane of consciousness - or a different plane of consciousness - than the crap I write here. I've written poetry - ditto the above (well, actually, in my poems about mourning, there's some harsh language). I wrote a crappy novel. Pretty much ditto the above. But when I'm writing to friends (that's actually past tense), I'm all over the place, because there's shared context, and no need for strict organization. My handwriting has gradually become illegible and, now, I can barely spell or punctuate whether I'm typing or torturing myself with a pen. I have to proof an entry like this several times, and I still miss my errors. Because I can no longer spell, I often have to compromise with aggravatingly utilitarian synonyms for words I'm thinking, because I can't remember how to spell the words I'm thinking, and I have always been such a snob when it comes to spelling and punctuation. It's fucking pathetic. When I'm writing here, I try to be clear in my meaning, on the off chance anyone ever actually reads it. And I usually only write here when I'm pissed to the gills with suffering and/or outrage, so I use a lot of profanity here, and fuck off if you're offended. And the style and character of my writing varies all the time, depending on what I'm writing! Was Austen any different? (I mean, other than her being a great writer.) To this "Sutherland" pissant, oh do please FOAD. "Sutherland" is not a writer, nor possibly even human. Maybe "it" is an Aqquii Robot (they have awful trouble understanding the human heart, and psyche, because they have none). Finally, "Sutherland", you rancid pile of shit, how dare you impugn a great writer who's dead and can't defend herself! Wait until YOU'RE DEAD, and SAY IT TO HER FACE, you fame-seeking, craven, cowardly whore! [The soundtrack for this entry is "Chickentown" by... shit, I can't remember his name.] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 20, 2010: The stalker thing has me so drained, and in dread of every night (and every day). I've neglected having health issues taken care of, until I could get away from this POS, and then the POS follows me!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone thinks I'm crazy, and delusional. Yes, having moron cops and some imbecile "crisis worker" scribbling gibberish as five ignoramus cops are firing questions at me from as many different directions in my apartment, plus the crime of being disheveled, alone, and without a curtain in the window of the kitchen door (and the damning evidence from "neighbors" who said they heard "lots of voices in my apartment" - UM, CLUE, YA THINK?), haul me off for these psychiatric crimes and get me LOCKED UP, isn't terribly good for my credibility. I couldn't find a lawyer who'd sue, because the PUBLIC hospital states plainly that any malpractice proceeds from a patient winning hir case, goes to the hospital! And I did not have thousands of $$$ to retain a shyster to sue the fucking police department. They've had me questioning my own sanity (which I've always more or less known the status of), so I did a horary chart to see if this was real. Even for someone as lousy at my own questions as I, the answer was a foolproof "YES." There is no one, I repeat, no one, in my life who gives a rats ass that I'm going through this crap, or who believes it is real. I'm so FUCKING SICK of it, SICK OF THIS ENTIRE SHIT WORLD, I'm seriously considering the doorway I've managed thus far not to open. At this point, I don't see what else I can do. I'm in the singular situation of having no responsibilities to anyone on earth. My relatives are psychotic, and always have been, which was why I moved 800 miles away from them when I was 22, and embarked on a lifetime of therapy (for all the good it's done), and fortunately want nothing to do with me. My friends, well there's only one who'd care, but she'll be fine. Finis (or, is it finit?). -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 19, 2010: I shouldn't call Megyn Kelly names, even though I very strongly dislike her. We're faced with two such unsavory choices (even worse than usual). The current Leftist regime wants to control our behavior, and way of life, according to their Socialist/Communist agenda, and the Republicans, many of whom are Christians, stalwart in their beliefs against gay marriage, and very much in support of abstinence when it comes to sex, abortion, drugs, etc., want to control our behavior according to *their* agenda. There's no one out there in this election who doesn't want to control what you or I may want to lawfully do (and I include pot smoking, because it's ridiculous for alcohol to be legal, and pot not to be; and I include gay marriage because, since we have the right to not believe in scriptures which say it is wrong - because normally it precludes procreation, we have every right to marry whomever we please, who is above the age of consent), which is none of their business, and for which we take full responsibility. ***************************** [When I was four, or so, I was crazily in love with my plush toy (a hand-me-down beagle, perhaps, although his lineage was uncertain due to age, fading, and many, many stitches administered by my mother, the doctor of plush toy injuries, splinters, and spider removal), and I vowed to marry him when I grew up. I used to clutch him to my heart, cover him in kisses, and dance hoppily around with him. I swear if I had him now, I would insist on a wedding. Nothing too formal, of course - a civil ceremony would suffice. He'd have made such a better husband than any, but one, of the men I've ever met, although obviously I'd have had to support the both of us. Well, although my mother threw him away without informing me, along with all my other childhood treasures, I can still imagine I am wedded, in my heart, to my beloved Panny. This is *not* a mockery of gay marriage. This is an example that the heart does not make a choice as to whom it will love. And the heart is so vulnerable, because the heart, as opposed to more southerly organs, loves with the pure love of a child, even if you are 92 years old.] ******************************* Do we *really* have to *keep explaining* to "conservatives" that being gay is not a choice?! Do we *really* have to *keep explaining* that, since it is not a choice, and since there are, at the moment, plenty of straight people around to procreate if they want to, and since life expectancy has more than tripled since the days of scripture, that it harms no one if two grown women, or two grown men, whose hearts and souls have found one another, want to wed, and have the same rights, as a married couple, that hetero married people do? [By the way, if, in more than only theory or preference, you're into little kids, or non-plush toy animals, which also might not be a choice, but everyone does have some amount of self-control to abstain from sex with any *other* being, entirely, you are engaging in sick, illegal behavior which violates innocents who CANNOT consent, and I hope someone castrates you in short order.] But it seems it doesn't really matter anyway, because many people (who are not astrologers) are predicting mass rioting, here in the states, and the complete collapse of society, following the complete collapse of the dollar. I'm not sure how much I really care about any of this, anyway. Sometimes it seems important; other times, I really couldn't care less about any of it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 18, 2010: I suspect that I am in my Jupiter-Mars sub-Firdar, because my life continues to resist improvement. The stalker is still torturing me and, at this point, I *will* spend hundreds of dollars for investigators to catch "him". I refer to the bastard by many names, but I don't like having to say about the POS, "he", or "him", because I do not consider "him" to be a human being, and to call "him" a rabid animal would be an insult to all animals, rabid, or not. Granted, this is still a "3" year, which is especially poisonous for me. Maybe things will improve after January 1st. I don't know. I do know that "beings", such as the stalker, are, in a way, Evil's answer to human beings. I feel that the stalker has no soul, because within the soul resides the conscience, and there are so many beings which look human, but lack conscience, and rejoice in harming others. Sometimes I feel as if I'm the only person alive that this has ever happened to, because when I tell others, I may as well be reading a grocery list, for all the concern they display. It's because they don't want to believe it, or take it in, as though it's infectious and they don't want to be in my situation, ever. It's so much easier to just write me off as delusional, because then it all goes away, for them. But I'm not the only one. This goes on all the time. Usually the victims are young and attractive, and it's much easier to understand that someone may be obsessed with a pretty, young woman. It's harder to understand there are victims like me, who are older, but vulnerable due to lack of nearby friends, etc. And that the motive has nothing to do with any sort of twisted love, but instead is just a twisted power addiction, to the only human being the stalker *can* control, and play God, because of its sick control. Also, people don't want to see, or accept, how little freedom women have nowadays, and how it's been eroding, again, ever since the 1980s. If you find yourself in a situation like this, you are so SOL. Believe me, NO ONE WILL HELP YOU. (And it sickens me that I'm planning to go to the polls and vote for people who are kindred spirits of that unctious cunt, Megyn Kelly, who lectured young women, a few weeks ago, on her news hour, that they should not sleep around, to paraphrase. Women should do, without societal judgment, ANYTHING THEY WANT TO DO, in their personal and *consensual* lives! Women's freedom to pursue happiness, and be completely safe in the process, should be expanding and entrenched, NOT VANISHING!) I do wonder whether the true purpose of my life was only ever to endure violence, torture, degradation, and abuse, without finally killing myself. If it was, this may be a deal I won't honor. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 15, 2010: Happy news. Did you see the live coverage of the rescue of the trapped Chilean miners? It was indescribably moving. The fact that 33 men could be trapped together for such a very long time, under such stressful circumstances, and live together as a team, instead of fighting and killing each other. It, along with my new neighbors, have reminded me there is still goodness and decency in many human beings, and not only the evil and spiritual ugliness I've been subjected to since 2007. I'm so grateful I trusted my judgment about my numbers system. It led me here! And yes, the building is dilapidated, decrepit, and plagued by roaches, and I no longer have a bath tub, or a door bell, and several other conveniences I thought I "needed". But what I have instead is so much more valuable. So much more wonderful. I have neighbors who are human beings. I have neighbors who are older souls. I am no longer isolated in a row-building off a highway, with lousy "neighbors" who allowed me to be tortured by a bastard who literally made me sick from sleep deprivation, and terror. I now have streets and buildings outside my window. A beautiful church, with a very high tower. And yes, a parking lot! When I realized I was vegetating in my search for a place before I moved, because I didn't have a car, and I spent months writing down listings and phone numbers and calling and calling, and then the numbers were awful, or the place had been misleadingly described - I finally, after 23 years of not having driven a car, rented a car! Got a GPS device! Drove here! And when I came here, you see, the numbers were so much better, and I was so hopeful, and the apartment I was shown wouldn't have even held half my stuff. And I thought, nice try, but it looks kind of hopeless. But then I asked, to test my numbers system, who lives in *that* apartment (the one in front of the one I was shown). And the man said, "I'm not sure, in fact I think it's empty." And he opened the door, and yes! Much bigger, only $25.00 more in rent, but aesthetically somewhat awful. I didn't care. The number was all right, and I paid the money for the background check. I dreaded the tiny shower stall and how slime-y the concrete would be when my skin would touch it. I thought, they'll never fix that hole in the wall, either. But when I moved in, the shower stall had a new plastic casing! The hole in the wall was fixed! It was still dirty, but I didn't care. It felt like home. I want to convey the sense of freedom. First, having a car for three weeks! Oh, wow! And now, out of that creepy pair of row-buildings, filled with people who seemed to think I deserved what was being done to me, or who didn't care to know. Such isolated buildings - up a hill off a highway. Nowhere to go, nothing to see, no place to walk to, no place to ride my bicycle. Confinement - incarceration - isolation - extreme abuse - because *no one cared*. No one at that nicely equipped hellhole cared at all what that bastard was doing to me - and the tenants in the same part of the building KNEW ALL ABOUT IT! And now, here, where I'm in a city, with a sidewalk outside! Amazing sunrises, glimpses of glorious sunsets, and a view of the river! And oh, thank God, HUMAN neighbors! People who would care, who DO care, if someone they know in the building has a freaking stalker! And because I love my new neighbors, and I speak with them, the freak is beginning to see that I am no longer alone and as vulnerable and, now, he CAN BE CAUGHT. And I am thinking, I am hoping, he will back off, because the one thing he doesn't want is to be caught. I've had so much help. Some influence caused me to notice the numbers system. And with it, I was finally led here. Freedom. I have been having wafts of freedom, for the first time in so very long a nightmare. Thank you, God, every part of your goodness who helped me, thank you. I don't yet know if the stalker has left. I had conversations with two of my wonderful neighbors yesterday, and he lies low if he sees or hears me have contact with anyone, so there wasn't a peep last night. I do believe the stalker will leave or, if he won't, he will be caught. One of my neighbors is going to help. Do you know the saddest part of all of this? It took all these many years before I found the sort of people who *would* help. What does that say about our society, or our culture? The fact that I had to use "occult" knowledge in order to find a place inhabited by older souls; what does that say about our society? If you live in a city, in an apartment building, do you know your neighbors? Do you care if they are being abused? Do you just turn away, and go back to your video game, or whatever is so much more important to you? I feel freedom coming back to me. It might take more time. But, oh, thank *good* God, and my wonderful old-soul neighbors. There is goodness and decency in the world! It might take time to find it, just as those exemplary Chilean miners had to wait in confinement and misery so long for their rescue, but it's here, if only you look long enough. There's only one catch: In order to find goodness and decency, you have to possess goodness and decency. I think I always have, but for me it's more a matter of overcoming shyness, to show it. Also, I am not at my best, and that is putting it mildly, when anyone is abusing me. I pray those times are over now, or will be, soon. I believe I will live here the rest of my life (unless new owners jack up the rent), in freedom, goodness, and decency, along with kindred souls. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 11, 2010: Hmm. Just a note: When I said my numbers thing was a "revelation", I meant really that it felt like a revelation. It was really only something I noticed, so it was very plainly an observation which anyone could have made. I just wanted to add that point, because I have had real revelations, which to me means knowledge which simply came to me, and which I can't necessarily prove to anyone else. And I'm sure this is true of a great many people, so I'm not saying I'm anything special. Other than that, my numbers thing does work, but the extent of its influence is tempered by many other factors. Of course it will work best when astrological influences are in tune with what one hopes to achieve. Unfortunately, my situation isn't much better yet. I'm afraid to say more. But at least I now have some really good, decent, human neighbors. With a great deal of luck, I might get free of the problem. But if I don't, there is a chance I could be assaulted and/or murdered. I'll say it. I've been stalked for over a year, now, by a "neighbor" where I last lived. I finally moved less than two weeks ago (lack of money and transportation were why I didn't move much, much sooner). The stalker followed me, nearly fifty miles. And he's very clever, good at hiding, deflecting, and I won't be free until he's caught. The worst part about all this is people not believing it when I tell them. That's one of the things the stalker has in his favor. I don't possess criminal intelligence, so I don't understand the technology involved in how the stalker achieves his goals. When I first got here, there was evidence he had, too, which I attributed to PTSD, and thought I was losing my mind. I'm freaked out, and back in that sort of numb state which happens when I can't escape abuse. I'm terrified. I can't call the police without hard evidence. I intend to get it. As I said, my numbers schematic led me to a building with some excellent neighbors, one of whom can help me (I pray). I think this is one of those times where the Cosmos, and loving spirits, try to carry one through, and by certain little ways try to communicate that faith is of the essence. My beliefs are really pretty 'way out there' and, as far as I know, they're unique to me. But the one thing I may have in common with most people of faith is that whatever it is we call "God" really *is* everywhere. The problem, in my beliefs, is that "God" is in evil, as well as in good, because "God", to me, is *everything*. But I am catching hints that there is discarnate love around me, which is very heartening in this harrowing ordeal. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 7, 2010: But... when I think, I could probably sleep now, at night, like tonight, I still have dread for a second, as if I'm asking permission to go to sleep. Where I was before, since the cretin bastard tortured me everytime I tried to go to sleep, I stayed up until I literally passed out from exhaustion, and that's what I've been doing here, still, since I got here. So, I thought, I could probably fall asleep now, and I was overtaken by the traumatic fear and dread. And now, I'm too afraid to try, and I'm wondering, as I wondered so many countless times in the past twelve months, if I will ever just be able to go to sleep normally again. I never had a real problem with insomnia before, only occasionally. My sleeping had been normal most of my life. Now I wonder if it ever will be again. And I keep having to remind myself that if I say anything aloud in here, he isn't hearing it. So I no longer have to "talk to him." I no longer have to pretend he's my confidante, in hopes it will placate him into minimal torture at sleeptime. Where before I would be, and he would listen from his side of the wall, here there is a window, with NO ONE THERE to surveil and stalk me. There is so much relief in that. But if I lie down, will I only stay awake far beyond the point of exhaustion, even though no one is torturing me here, like on one of my rare nights of insomnia? So now I'm afraid to try. I don't know what to do. And if I do sleep, will I have another nightmare about the lock-up? There was one, several weeks ago that was so real, because I kept telling myself this can't be happening, and I must be dreaming, and shouting at myself to WAKE UP! Over, and over. And I didn't wake up, so I became terrified, convinced the nightmare was real. When I finally did wake, I was stunned. Amazing relief, and amazing fear. Never before have I failed to awaken when I've told myself in a nightmare to wake up. So. I guess I've been a pretty good lathe (see my victims page), for some of the scum of the earth. Their would-be souls are awaiting them, because the universe serves perfect justice. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 5, 2010: Remember when I said I'd move into a crack house if the numbers were safe? Well... yes! I did nearly just that! This isn't as much of a crack house as it apparently used to be, because an extremely Scorpionic (and very nice) man was hired to dig deeper than Comrade Sam into the backgrounds of new prospective tenants, now and, although my reputation was ruined in that creepy town I left last week, by all the scumbags involved in harming me, and the imbeciles who didn't believe me, I still got to move in here. My new digs are the best I could really expect for a big reduction in rent, AND with safe numbers, because there were "nicer" places I wouldn't even check out because the numbers were bad. Think about how many numbers go into a typical address, including the letters involved! The chances of being free, in my case, of a 3 (Mars, afflicted in my chart), 6 (Mercury, afflicted in my chart) , and 9 (South Node ruled by Mars, in my awful chart), were nearly nil. But it's a very weird place; the construction is strange, and I haven't got a bath tub, which really sucks. I also notice there is a "for sale" sign on the front exterior now, which could bode well, or ill. Who the hell knows. (And the same could be said about me. I'm possibly weird (to those who don't know or really love me), my construction is strange [quit laughing - it could happen to you in your old age, too!], and my circumstances are in constant flux.) I really want to explain my numerological method in an article, but the problem is that it's tied in with astrology - the Classical ways of determining the condition of the planets in a chart. Most people who somehow land on this page haven't studied that, so there would be a lot of explaining on my part (or maybe I could just refer to relevant texts, I just don't know.). Also, it might require, like many other methods, time taken in reflection of one's past, in order to determine which are one's better, or good, numbers, and which are the worse, or bad, numbers. I think it's going to take some time, if I ever do it at all, and I am not sure I would offer the material on my web site. I might, but I'm not certain. What I can say is that it does seem to work, almost all the time. I used to think it was weird, when I was a teen, that when I got in trouble, it was usually a Tuesday - *not* weird - Tuesday is ruled by Mars, and I have a very volatile Mars. On the brighter side, I usually have more stamina on Tuesdays. Maybe it's a bit too soon to declare that better numbers saved the day, after such an awfully long and rotten eleven years, especially rotten since 2007, especially when there's still a clash between my chart and my friend's, which has to do with my living spaces (because he helps me financially with my rent, from afar), but I believe it worked, and I'm hopeful, and I finally feel free again. I'll say this: What I discovered about numbers is a revelation, and I thank Cosmos I discovered it, or that it was revealed to me, as so much else of what I know has been, before this move. It freed me. And it doesn't hurt that the new season of "Caprica" started tonight. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- September 25, 2010: Sometimes, we are all in our own little worlds, tucked away, or walking along, with our own private worries. And our friends may need us, but we can't break free, or perhaps the friend may be someone who accepts one's charity, and so cannot be truly respected if the things of this world seem so important. Sometimes there's a comedy of timing, phone tag, and disappointment. A sad comedy. Fashion never meant much to me, but I think now I'm beginning to understand it. I had considered it to be superficial; style valued above substance, and not truly art because clothing has a function - a perfectly Virgoan notion. But now, I see that it is a constant reinterpretation of the body, and it expresses so much of the collective subconscious, as well as consciousness, as does any art. It's clear that many designs were never meant to be worn but, instead, to simply be art. A lot of it can express an artist's horror of the human body, if that's how s/he happens to be feeling. Death, reflected by flesh, reflected by what the flesh must wear, at that moment of sheer panic. And loneliness, and love, and joy, and everything, either intermingled in one outfit or garment, or done in single notes of emotive creativity. It's a stunning art form, I now realize. It was hidden from us commoners until very recently. Now we are allowed to see documentaries, and the extreme and stunning designs of the major celebrity artists, and the true art of it. One of the artists said briefly to someone that she is terrified of death. Knowing that, I wish I could study her designs through the years. Did they overemphasize the joy of life, or were there hints of her terror in her art? I used to be horrified by death in my youth. I would literally tremble in my bed at the thought of it, hating the press of my cheek upon my pillow, my fingertips recoiling from sensation, and the disgust of my own flesh, which would inevitably die, and rot. It was paradoxical, considering my suicidality (for a different reason). Fortunately, at some point during my first Saturn Return, that terror dissolved completely. I began to understand that life is death, and death is life, and what we're experiencing here is all a strange dream, or nightmare. I re-read novels by Saul Bellow, marveling that a writer, who draws so much upon heightened perception, could still be afraid of death, as he so apparently was. Life, as the sages say, is an illusion. I never could have understood it before that Saturn Return, and I couldn't understand why it wasn't obvious to anyone over thirty. I guess it's something only some of us "get", like math, or any other study. But what a most beautiful world it would be, if only we all understood it. Not understanding leads to endless pursuits of the ego, such as power, status, conquest, and wealth. Those always get so violent, and then we always lose our humanity if that is all we understand of earth-life. If only you could believe what I could tell you. If only everyone really understood. And I don't know all of it, but if you could believe, if the world could believe, we would have heaven on earth - and then there'd no longer be any need to incarnate, except we'd probably want to, just for another chocolate malted. :-) (And don't misunderstand; I know I will have to reincarnate because I've made so many fool mistakes in this "lifetime". But I'm hoping it won't be until the Age of Leo, and that I'll get to be an Aries, with Mars trine Sun in Leo. :-) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- September 16, 2010: You know, maybe you *should* buy gold. This advice comes about 20 years too late, of course, but if you have a secure housing situation, and a nice savings account, it might be advisable to buy physical gold. But you'd have to be certain the vendor is selling pure gold, because anyone can put a stamp on it, just like other crooks print counterfeit paper money. I've come to this conclusion after learning that your bronze messiah has a whole lot of freaky people surrounding him, who, back in the '60s, advocated complete destruction of "the system" and total monetary collapse, in order to install a Socialist regime. So how do they do that? Could it be by spending and spending until finally what they're spending is fantasy money? We've already passed that stage, here. Being a "have-not" is not fun, as I've known at various times in my life, but many "have-nots" can find ways and *opportunities* to become "haves" in a free market, capitalist system, which is what the USA used to be. Socialism is not fun. I don't like people telling me what I can and can't do to, or put in, my body, or what I can say or do which is otherwise not unlawful, or what I can and cannot buy or sell. I don't like the doldrums which seem to affect the people in Socialist countries - that lack of inner push towards excellence, which used to be so alive in the USA until around the 50s and 60s. I don't like a "health care bill" which is over a thousand pages long and was shoved right at us without those doing the shoving even knowing what the hell is in it, and will cost FANTASY MONEY. Meanwhile, they've slashed Medicare, Medicaid, and Food Stamps! The Democrats, friend! The Democrats - (Party of the People, or so they used to be a long, long time ago, so long ago, we can't even remember when it all changed). And if you pay for health care insurance, notice how it's gone up in cost a lot, very recently? It's because the insurance companies are trying to compensate for the enormous costs which will come, if that health care bill is not repealed. All of Europe is trying to get out of the Socialist model, now that they know it's not sustainable (because of very Liberal immigration policies - look at the rioting in Greece and France, because their entitlements are shrinking or disappearing!), while now, we are being pushed, shoved, and NUDGEd into it. This was what "Fundamental Change", in those 2008 campaign speeches, REALLY meant. So, they are going to collapse the capitalist system by various means, including that health care bill, more "stimulus spending", etc. Their ideology is a bizarre movement towards a very communistic socialism. When the USA was formed, it was written and understood that our freedom is a gift from God, NOT from the government. Now, that's all changing. I don't know what you think about this, but I'm not having fun at this party. I think I'll be partying elsewhere, just as I did in the 2008 Primaries, and the 2008 election (for that, I did a write-in vote). The main thing is, and always to keep in mind, do you act in accordance with your own most deeply held principles? That is what we all should do. So even if you are a Socialist in your heart of hearts, be one! And I'll be me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- September 3, 2010: I had been divorced from the world until July. Then I began hearing what's been happening, and I don't feel I can be silent when I see the whole world going the way of Mordor. I'm in the states, where local laws allow little hobbit homebodies like me (and others) to be "psychiatrically" arrested in our own homes, not for anything we've said or done that is remotely threatening, but for crimes such as having "moved where you have no family?" and because "why do you have newspaper taped in the window?" (There were no blinds and I hadn't bought curtains. How irrational is that!) I suppose I should be thankful they didn't tase me, but now I wish I had resisted and that they had. Either they would have killed me (because tasers can kill), or I'd have lived and had a very healthy lawsuit opportunity. (I think too slowly, due to combustion of natal retrograde Mercury, or this notion would have served me very well. It's filed for future reference.) The problem isn't only national (but it is a big, and vastly growing, problem nationally), the problem is also state, municipal, county, and city and town and village regulations. One small town recently made it a crime to sing or whistle outside. It's already become a police state in most parts of this country, but most people don't realize it because they have stayed under the radar, so far. There should be some sort of nationally funded program for the disabled and elderly, and some way to keep people who are in dire straits from starving and losing the roofs over their heads. Other than that, there should be a massive deregulation, back to our Constitutional Rights, happening everywhere in this country. No, we don't turn back the clock on Women's Suffrage, or Roe vs Wade - we need those. (A 6-week cluster of "products of conception" is NOT a baby, especially if you are an astrologer and rightfully recognize that independent life begins with the first independent breath. If not, then it is also your RIGHT to abide by your sacred beliefs and CHOICE, and let the cluster of cells continue to grow, until you deliver a baby.) No one should have the right to drag you from your abode, even if you do *express* suicidal feelings (like the man who was tased by cops on his way from his chair to a standing position because he wanted to go to bed). It's the First Amendment, is it not? But it's not being honored anymore. It's fallen by the wayside, because cops are too stupid to know how to use judgment according to the regulations our moron politicians, lawyers, and judges have strung us all up with. We are NO ONE'S PROPERTY. I am not the property of my country, *because I am not enlisted in my country's armed forces*. And after that, I am no one's property but my own. Some would say I'm God's property - all fine and good, but we have the right to not believe in God, too. And if we are not the property of the country, state, county, or town, then if we are NOT in the commission of ANY CRIME (and certain "crimes" must be deregulated, such as many types of "illegal" drug possession), NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO ARREST US FOR "THOUGHT CRIMES" (OR *POSSIBLE* "THOUGHT CRIMES"!)! How many times should that be repeated? I belong only to myself, and my God, if any. I am NOT anyone's property. YOU are NOT anyone's property. Is this clear? Your children are not your property. If you beat them, or lock them up (or out), that is called, in part, assault and battery, and then they can be removed from you lawfully. You are not your parent(s)', brother's, sister's, or spouse's property. So this is what I want: Deregulation. In practically every area of politics. When cops can drag a peaceful person out of their own home against their will, freedom is GONE. In the past, haven't we fought wars against countries who did the same sorts of things to their citizens that our country does now? The U.S. has been subverted, and very subtly over a number of years, towards Mordor. If you can't see this, if you can't see how the whole world has come under Mordor's grip (reference to Mordor is an analogy, in case you are a "mental health care worker"), maybe you have been too busy watching 3-D movies. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- September 2, 2010: OH MY GODS! I HAVE JUST SEEN THE FOOTAGE OF COPS TAZING AN OLD MAN IN HIS OWN HOME, WHO WAS ONLY TRYING TO GO TO BED! The poor guy is sitting in a chair, much like I did, in his own place, like I was, doing absolutely nothing to anyone. He gets up to go to bed, telling them to just get out, and they taze him THREE TIMES. He falls to the floor screaming - I hope at least HE gets to sue, and gets billions after winning his suit. Gods, I hate cops. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- September 2, 2010: *** General Sarcasm Alert *** For those unfamiliar with my writing and commentary, or for the very simple-minded which include police, and "mental health care workers", it's probably prudent of me to warn you that I am prone to making very sardonic, caustic, and openly outrageous statements. Examples below would include the notion of Giuliani hiring hit men to rid NYC of the homeless (although we did wonder where they'd gone), and probably other stuff (but I my expressed respect for the murdered protester is genuine - he made his point in apparently the only way he knew how, and died with his boots on). Oh yeah - I very much doubt Islamists give good head. It's the oil, I suppose, plus a whole lot of ignorance goin' on here in the western world, which mostly hates Israel (because Jews had the "noive" to take a tiny bit of land in hopes y'all would just leave them alone and quit killing them), apparently as much as the Islamists do. I guess I'll have to put an alert above every entry I write, from now on. *** End of General Sarcasm Alert *** In remembrance of Mr. Lee, the protester murdered yesterday at the HQ of "The Discovery Channel", sir, mission accomplished. I don't for a second believe he had any intention of harming anyone there, or anywhere - but if he'd gone in without fire power, he'd have been tossed out and we'd never have heard about him. I wonder if he would have been surprised to know that a lot of us feel the same way he does on many issues. Maybe he never knew. Yes, the shows about people who have "18 and counting" - well, we watch, if we do, because we regard these types as circus freaks, and that's how Discovery stays in business. I wonder how many of us might secretly amuse ourselves with fantasies of how nice it would be to air drop them, during a drought, into an African wildlife preserve, so the lions and tigers could get a bit of a meal. Unfortunately, that's illegal, so maybe we keep it to ourselves? I really wouldn't know... But for those who may never have thought about such things, perhaps Mr. Lee wasn't murdered in vain. After all, it's the next day and they're still talking about him on the news. On the topic of the news, there seems to be only one pragmatic way to save the western world, but since the western world is toadying to the Islamists (do they give really good head or something? 'Cos even Hillary was cozying up to Mahmoud...), and probably will until they suddenly find they're subject to sharia law, the western world doesn't deserve to be saved, so I will not tell you what it is. About that mosque at the site of a building destroyed by the Islamists, I finally realized that if Bloomberg doesn't care to know whose money will be funding it, he probably had to make a deal with the devil. Maybe NYC is facing bankruptcy again - they did say homelessness has risen by 50% (if that's a reliable number - but I thought Giuliani had hired hit men to kill the homeless years ago because somehow they seemed to have disappeared), which makes me feel just slightly less miserable that I didn't return there and move back to my old apartment. Bloomberg is a moron. There are some people you should just never do business with, no matter what's at stake. That's something Prime Minister Netanyahu learned a long, long time ago - yet he still came to D.C., regardless of, or perhaps in spite of, the current "administration", whose magic savior has said the U.S. will no longer try to help forge peace (because it would be offensive to Islamists, of course) after another year - gee, just in time for Iran to perfect its nukes, how 'bout that!), and I think the Prime Minister did it only to politely make the point, which the rest of the world (which must be getting REALLY good head from those Islamists, or something) conveniently forgets over and over again, that recognition and security are paramount to any peace. How much security will there be now? Not only for Israel, but for anyone? Iran is building a nuke which will probably be fully deployable in just a few months (don't be naive), and your magic savior is fine with that. He (your magic savior) also has that moratorium on domestic offshore drilling - which made a good soundbite at the time, but really plays well into the agenda of the enemies of the west. I don't know what you need by now to have his true agenda clarified for you, if you still don't get it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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I wish you peace, good fortune, and, of course, good health.
Gail |
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| All Rights Reserved; Gail Sandra Klein | ||