ROTFLMAO
8. Wanda has a go
A horrible howling reverberated through the vessel. Every head, and other sensory appendage, turned towards the back of the vessel. The walls shimmied, once, twice, three time.
"Gott in Himel (whatever that means)" yelled Darcy, and with a sprint that would make Michael Johnson weep, she made her way towards the horrible scream. "The toilet, the toilet, it's him at the toilet, I hope the seat is down!"
She wrenched a door open just in time to see the bottom of his foot (with that cute "Property of Darcy" she'd put there that delicious night... no time for that girl, grab that foot!! Darcy, lunged forward and grabbed the foot and was, pardon the pun, plunged into the toilet with her beloved Zor.
Time, space, and their lunches whirled about them in the tidal pool of the toilet.
"Zor!" Darcy yelled. "Zor, I'm here!"
"Blbbllblbbl" came the faint reply.
She felt her body twisting and changing as they plunged into a hodgepodge of colour and shapes. She kept that mantra, Zor, Zor, Zor in her mind and kept the memory of his handsome self clear as they plummetted through the mess.
With a thump and a roll, they landed. Darcy jumped up, being a strong and able woman, a kind of warrior princess, a kind and gentle warrior princess with a really wide mean streak that sometimes came out at inopportune times, but a strong, gentle, fierce warrior princess nonetheless. Anyways, she was in shape and she jumped up. Zor was slower to rise, and shaken with sobs.
"Zor!" she cried, "Where are we?"
"Zor?" He answered. "Zor? Darcy? Darcy, is that you? Oh, my beauty, my god I have a penis!" He grasped the appendage with glee and the glee had an immediate effect. "Oh, my penis, my penis, how I missed you!" Bending down, trying to kiss his long lost friend, he wrenched his back. "Oh, to be young again," he sighed.
scene edited - proof of maturity required
Darcy pulled her Barbie ski outfit back on slowly. She smiled at Zor, who still thought he was He, and then winced, because Barbie clothes don't include underwear. Zor lay naked, playing with his penis. This disturbed Darcy some, but she decided that it was a guy thing, no pun intended, and she just let him play.
Looking about, she realized that the toilet had really done a job this time. Zor had told her about his first attempt, and she thought that maybe that had cleared the passage. She looked up at a sparkling sky.
"They say the user is out there." Shocked, Darcy jumped and grabbed for her laser destroyer, but IT HADN'T COME THROUGH! "Are you from the 'net?" She looked at the creature, all blue and muscled, and back down at Zor gleefully playing with himself.
"Uh, we're from the toilet." Darcy blushed.
"Huh, never heard of the toilet."
"It's something women sit on and men stand in front of to, uh, pee, take a leak, relieve themselves."
"Huh. Men stand to pee?"
"Yes, something about plumbing and pride, I don't really understand."
"Well, he'd best not stand here, someone will know he's from outside, they'll assume he's from the 'net. They'll call the guardians to check him for viruses. The white bloods will wipe him."
"Where are we?"
"Mainframe."
"We can't stay here, we need a toilet."
"Check out the Baudway, lots of businesses down there have toilets. Just make sure he sits." And the creature zipped away.
"Come on, Zor. We've got to get out of here. The rules will kill us, I'm pretty sure it's a cultural thing, but I don't think this place will work out for us. Can you stand?"
"Oh, Darcy! I was haunted by my loss and I sought to be renewed, and you found me and cured me." Zor smiled dreamily, still working on reacquainting himself with himself. "But, you're right, we're in trouble here. Let's find a way out. I really don't want to do the toilet thing again."
An alarm went off nearby, "Virus alert, incoming mail virus! Don't read your mail messages, virus attached. A Team away!"
"That's us!" Darcy grabbed Zor by the hand and started running. He stumbled to his feet and ran with her. A very weird gold and silver creature waved tiny arms at them.
"Come this way! Come this way!" Darcy dared and turned to follow the floater. "I will hide you for now. An old batch file that my mother used to read to me has the command for hiding files."
The creature mumbled something indistinct and smiled. "Now stand still, so that you don't bump into the troops. Stand by the building. There!" As Darcy and Zor reached the building, a crowd of buzzing creatures arrived, some tall and gangly, some short and round. They made a tremendous buzzing noise as they searched the area. Several times creatures came within a breath of our hero and heroine without noticing.
When the space had cleared, the funny creature came back. He mumbled some more, "I know an FTP command." With the secret incantation, the world blurred.
Darcy and Zor found themselves standing in a desert. Vehicles churned up the sand as they raced towards the two lost souls. One vehicle seemed to be headed, damned! no it WAS headed straight for them and NOT STOPPING!
"That old fool forgot to reverse the hidden file command, Darcy they can't see us!" Zor cried as the pair dove out of the path of the speeding jeeps.
"They're here, Captain!" one of the recent arrivals called out.
"I don't see anything, Sargeant. Check your instruments, men. Remember, take them alive! Find them, NOW!"
9. Rob
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